Though there is still a stinging pain from our Men’s basketball team losing three straight, this video helps put a smile on my face and remember that things could always be worse… at least we beat Duke in football.

Rather than predict Hokie Basketball games, which have become a schmasmortion of misery, I will try and throw out some thoughts for tonight’s Academy Awards. I won’t talk about the obscure foreign/short film awards, nor the visual effects and art direction awards which will surely go to Benjamin Button, nor the music awards (give those to Slumdog Millionaire), nor the best supporting actress awards since I haven’t seen enough of the films (Cruz seems to be the lock anyway), and director I believe will go to Slumdog’s Danny Boyle. But for the big guns I have come up with my predictions… and my final answer is:

Best Supporting Actor
Should Win: Someone other than Heath Ledger
Will Win: Heath Ledger

This will piss people off. I don’t care, the fact it actually pisses people off helps prove my point. Granted, the best supporting actor award often times will go to a colorful and comedic performance so its not the most coveted of Oscars to win (remember Cuba Gooding, Jr.?) but to say that Ledger was far-and-beyond the best performance of the year is simply ignorance rooted in too much posthumous hype and fanboy idolizing. The fact remains that Ledger DID put on a helluva performance, but it was in a role that really any hack could be the scene-stealing riot. Playing a depraved lunatic, scripted and directed meticulously, with great costume design and makeup did not require Ledger’s “magical” touch… you would have an equal sentiment when leaving that movie if it had been played by a currently living Ledger as you would with an Orlando Bloom or Adrien Brody. For some reason people watched what they believed was the actual deconstruction of Ledger himself and described his role as if it was Leaving Las Vegas or Midnight Cowboy but no, it was a Batman movie (but maybe the best Batman movie so who knows).

Best Acrtress
Should Win: Kate Winslet
Will Win: Kate Winslet

Kate Winslet has become one of those actresses that people exclaim “she hasn’t won one yet?” in surprise when viewing her IMDB awards page. She has been nominated now six times for supporting and lead roles and has yet to take away a golden statute. This year, she was naked in nearly half of the film in which she starred (The Reader) and grows old and weak by the end of the film. This is the kind of performance the Academy drools over and its due time to break this losing streak - even if they don’t like foreign actors.

Best Actor
Should Win: Sean Penn
Will Win: Mickey Rourke

I have not seen The Wrestler but apparently the entire film is driven by Rourke’s performance. After his Hollywood fallout the Academy will be sure to reward him with his first Oscar. Like Penn he is outspoken on George W. Bush and stands behind things the Academy likes (comebacks, difficult roles in low budget films, drug addictions) but because Rourke has not won an award yet I believe that the Academy will skip over Penn’s (possibly better) performance in favor of Rourke.

Best Picture
Should Win: Milk
Will Win: Slumdog Millionaire

The crowds all love Slumdog, and though it is a well-done and entertaining film, it is not necessarily the BEST film of this year’s lot. However, among 4 other dry or near-depressing films it shines with its child actors and punchy soundtrack. The Academy wants people to enjoy watching the Oscars and this award will be combined with Ledger’s to make for a one-two punch in ratings.

Always remember there are no shortcuts when preparing food for your Thanksgiving Feast. Let Lil’ Jon and Erin E. Surance’s little cousin help you to follow the recipe by-the-book with this clever little jingle…

I have come to add tuna fish to my wheelhouse of “I’ll always eat it” foods complimenting nicely to pulled pork sandwiches, banana peppers, and Chipotle.  There is no other product that comes served in a can at such a low price that mixes so beautifully with Miracle Whip and can be eaten on salad, crackers, bread, asscracks… you name it and I’ll eat that shit. And the funny thing is, its pretty good for you. High in protein, low in fat, no sugars… its a wonder that people don’t go around drinking tuna smoothies. I patented that idea by the way.

Tuna is the perfect blend of salt and fish stink. Its just strong enough to easily remind you that you had it for lunch a hour or so after you have had the last bite, but meek enough that one piece of gum will eradicate its odor and taste for the rest of the day. Of course one of the greatest magic tricks tuna can pull is tuna salad. Tuna salad is the crown jewel of the Subway Five Dollar Footlong Menu and will never disappoint no matter what the occasion. It was the blockbuster 2-dollar Sheetz sub. And don’t even get me started on a rare sushi grade tuna.

I have heard that the species is rapidly becoming extent and at these prices I can see why.  If it ever does make the endangered species list I will definitely become the mustached villain poacher who spends the rest of his life murdering and eating up these bastards until I am swallowed by a whale. I say we hunt them all down and can up as much of this shit as we can (since it has a 10 year shelf life) and never look back.

So I broke down and bought the last known case of Endurance Vitamin Water on the planet. I’m not certain its the last case, but the four previous orders I made from here, here, here and here all came back “canceled due to insufficient stock”. I found the unofficial last case of Endurance from a wine store on Amazon that had a one-star rating. They stated they had mixers of every known variety and promised to track down any beverage for your mixing needs. So I figured either they were true to their word and they indeed had a time machine that could go back to 2007 or they were just going to write “Endurence” on 24 bottles of Clearly Canadian. Sure I paid 50 bucks for it, but what’s 50 bucks in a mountain of debt? Although Coca-Cola sources say Endurance will be returning to markets soon, it apparently will be released as a whole new flavor (meaning tons more sugar to appeal to the masses) and so I don’t want a dozen MMS messages of images of Endurance at Giant going for 1.25 a bottle in three months -its not the same stuff. Once I’m done drinking all two dozen of my discontinued brethren I’m sure I will have wished I spent my money on this instead.

In the meantime I plan to sit in the darkness of my basement cedar closet on top of my mountain of Endurance with a loaded rifle and no shirt on to protect my bounty until they come for it. Who you ask? Oh trust me… you’ll see…. you’ll see.

I know everyone in the world except me saw Dark Knight this weekend so don’t take personal offense if you truly enjoyed your 33 dollar trip to Regal Cinema to catch the non-sold out 11:07 showing. I’m sure you had a great time as apparently this film is the greatest piece of modern cinema every captured by man. Rotten Tomatoes gives it a 97% fresh rating with the only reviewers who disliked it coming from “Pink Is The New Blog” and the Detroit Gay Blade. IMDB also has weighed in, giving the film a #3 best of all time according to current voting:

I should point out that if that image above was larger you would find Wall-E at #19, which is 7 in front of the 1992 Best Picture/Director/Actor/Actress/Writer winner The Silence of the Lambs. Granted, IMDB has been known to make mistakes at the hands of its millions of middle school aged preteen users, just note Step Up 2’s glowing reviews for confirmation, but this is a tremendous rave for a movie that had a lot to live up to, including marketing tie-ins from BOTH Domino’s and Pizza Hut.

It may just be that good of a film. I don’t know, I haven’t seen it. I do know that Heath Ledger is dead - and people want to give him an Oscar now. It makes me wonder if Three Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Moutain would have warranted critical acclaim if Mathew Botuchis had overdosed in his trailer during filming (appologies to whichever reader still has his Tiger Beat mega poster taped to the side of their ferret’s cage).

I suppose I just look back at so many movies that people say were fucking awesome and then by the time they make it DVD I don’t see them scooping up copies to give out to friends at Christmas or renting to enjoy again and again. I REALLY want Dark Knight to be as good as everyone claims, at least as good as Batman and Robin… because I watched Batman Begins again on Friday (when Dark Knight was sold out for the midnight show) and it really wasn’t all that great like I remembered, well except for this.

Disclaimer: I will be seeing the Dark Knight in IMAX sometime soon.

UPDATE: Apparently I should apologize to all films, maybe even the entire art institution. “Hey Claude Monet - taste my bat cock!” (throws small bat-shaped graphite sphere at Sistine Chapel - explosion ensues) - and yes I’m aware that it was Donatello who painted that - and yes again I’m aware that it was Michaelangelo who painted that - you fuckers are no fun today

Hating Dave Matthews has become as popular as donning a pink Red Sox cap. I have stuck by Dave Matthews Band for over ten years, dozens of live albums, and - as of Satuday night, twenty-five concerts. However, It seems Dave Matthews Band sucks, at least according to every bandwagon-trend fickle-fuck and well, just about anyone who has a friend who loves Dave Matthews. In reality, he only sucks because he is just too fucking awesome for mortals to understand. Only Jesus, Raiden, and The Rocketeer can appreciate him fully. Though I am a mere mortal I do know a bit about the man Dave Matthews, and his awesomeness, and will admit I can’t get enough of him and his accompanying band. And yes, I realize that this makes me a breed of serious cocksucker known as the “intense band fan”. And I am aware an “intense band fan” is the type of person I would normally make fun of on this blog. But if you haven’t caught on by now, I’m a horribly hypocritical person. The truth is Dave is musical marijuana served inside a Chipotle tortilla filled with mint Dibs. Eating such a treat causes nothing short of piss-in-a-pepsi cup in broad daylight euphoria. Though, the same way some Red Sox fans shun the influx of pink cap wearing fans, I like to shun those Dave fans who live by the song “Crash In To Me”, own a hemp necklace, and think Will Farrel is still amusing. Understand that, like with Boston’s pink hats, it’s not so much the objects but what they represent, the whole “Red Sox Nation” concept reminds some people of that other team with a huge fan base and no one wants the Sox to become that, even though it is already too late (I’ll admit I’m part of the problem…).

Too Much: Red Sox fans are suffering from identity crisis and the growing pains of a fan base trying to redefine itself, it is something Dave fans can empathize with. Dave fans have been tormented for over a decade by bearing the load of trendy assholes who for some reason gravitated to DMB. Whether it be Phish fans desperately seeking a new place where “shrooming” among massive crowds is considered acceptable, midlife crisis soccer parents driving their cherry red Sebring convertible in to the show and using VIP parking, or pooka-shelled yuppie hipster fucks bouncing in to the show with their Jimmy Fallon bed-head reeking of Abercrombie stenchs while holding hands with emaciated aviator-wearing girlfriends who like the show “The Hills” - the cycles of these assholes seems to go on perpetually but *true* Dave fans remain loyal despite the bad eggs.

Pink versus Green: I really can’t be all that cocky about my DMB fandom… I haven’t followed a Dave tour with the vigor of many fans, nor have I paid more than 20 bucks for a ticket, and come to think of it I guess I do own a green Red Sox hat… a green hat is almost as bad as a pink hat so my Sox fandom isn’t any better off either. Fortunately, I think I jumped on the Sox bandwagon when there was still a few good seats left on the truck bed and back at that time I received open arms from old school Boston fans willing to add one more sorry sack of shit with a hatred of the Yankees to their fan base- with understanding that a World Series win would never happen. With that comparison, I think I understand my place in the DMB fan continuum… I’m squarely in the Dave Matthews counterpart of the category of “somewhat-legitimate fan but-can-be-dethroned by anyone from Boston”. I am humbled.

Wrapping up a post that clearly is aimed at masking a self proclamation of myself and a trip to a 25th Dave show, I can thank my sister for first subjecting me to Dave in 1994 (via Oakton Toker Team’s spring break drive to Ocean City) and since that first exposure there are certain Dave Matthews Moments which I feel the need to document in no particular order and of no interest to any of the 4 people who read this blog:

1. Is that a manatee? (2001)
Swain and I went to RFK to initially tailgate and ended up trading ciggerrettes and a handful of singles to get in to the show, only to rush the floor and be within 10 yards of the stage. We couldn’t stop raving.

2. Perfect Things (2007)
Dave Matthews + Lane Stadium = Heaven (if it rained Chipotle)

3. Clouds rolled over our heads (2000)
Rained the entire show at RFK and Dave played for four hours causing property value in SE Washington to rise 3%.

4. Swiss Missed (2001)
An illicit night ended with listening to Lillywhite Sessions on the roof of a villa in Switzerland while the sun rose. I lost my left shoe and may have shat in a bidet.

5. Lost Wages (2007)
Two shows back-to-back in Vegas with Katie and Andyman. Itinerary: Gamble, drink frozen 190 proof daquiri, see Dave Matthews, eat breakfast buffet, play horsey game, prostitute, see Dave Matthews, eat live bear.

6. Saturday (2008)
Are we assholes? Lets check the tally - Came to show without tickets? Check. Parked in handicap lot? Check. Refused to pay more than 20 a ticket? Check. Snuck in our own alcohol? Check. Pissed on lawn? Check.

Well back when I graduated from college I was to say the least “out of shape” (a tub of shit if you will) and to counteract the effects of four years of binge drinking and pokey sticks I went on an insane health kick that ended with before and after pics being posted online in the early days of dic tailgate.

As of midnight June 22nd, I have just concluded a second round of lunacy, this time to attempt to remove the damage that State College wreaked upon my body in the form of Lion’s Head beer, Sheetz MTO and those fucking pokey sticks again. My health changes centered around a one-month-long diet that eliminated all saturated fats and sugars from my diet and focused heavily on leafy greens and shockingly NO CHIPOTLE. Though I didn’t stay absolutely 100% true, It was pretty damn close … I think I can excuse that trip to Chipotle and the piece of funnel cake I had in celebration of Manny’s 500th homerun.

As was the practice last time around I will now post the effects of my month of eating rabbit crap. Other than the results shown in the picture I no longer own any shorts that stay on my ass without the use of a belt.

And yes, I will be eating Chipotle for lunch.

Though I have sent this news and accompanying video to many of you, Spore, the video game, is Will Wright’s “Sim Everything” manifesto which has been in the works for nearly a decade. This week a demo of one aspect of the game, Creature Creator, went online for free download. Already people have been giving the game the respect and admiration it deserves…

Eat that Sim Tower.

UPDATE: Apparently theres a video of a Jeff Butt monster which reacts to seeing someone eating his string cheese without asking, and then becomes depressed upon realizing it was the last one in the package.

In the bad storms that came through Northern Virginia yesterday there was 90 MPH gusts of wind and while I was watching the storm out the garage door we lost one of our proudest trees. I thought the force was worth putting pictures up of.

I’m sure that there are plenty of ‘necks in Vienna who can’t wait to chop this baby up or trade services for a few DIP arrests. To date I don’t think there are any ax-wielding killers on the lose in the area so any trade of service should be on the up-and-up.