You know, a week ago I was writing about FSU in the preseason poll at number 5 and I then began reminiscing about their scum-bucket-never-attended-FSU-self-proclaimed-”wild-redneck”-wearing-a-golf-shirt-douchbagy fans when it occurred to me: I really don’t know what a TRUE Florida State fan is.
Its kind of like Miami fans… I can’t imagine the “true Miami fan” is that airbrushed-RIP-t-shirt-wearing thug that never left Detroit with a big white silhouette of a “U” on his back of his glitter green dented 1995 Lexus SC300… I mean, what the Hell are you? Certainly not a true fan.
I figured I would turn to where everyone turns in a situation like this: Google. Bouncing over to the Google Image Search I typed in “FSU Fan” and got the following result (… and mind you I have not doctored these results and I recommend you click the image in this post to truly spectacle at the results I got.)
“FSU Fan”
Reaction: Right off the bat the Google search engine is curious did you mean “jenn sterger”? That slut? My god she hasn’t been at that school since 1993 - come to think of it, was she ever AT that school or did her tits just get invited to games by filthy rich alumni who are still reaping in on their great-slave-owning-grandfather’s orange futures?
If you look at the pictures almost ALL of them of are of Sterger! I mean, is that really the thing FSU is associated with? 10 years after the fact, a stripper turned sideline reporter whose most famous contribution to society was RECEIVING a picture of Brett Favre’s flaccid cock is the quinesential ”FSU fan.”
And shit, there are like 20 different pics of her from all kinds of angles (none of which could give a goddamn about the game going on behind her). Other than Sterger you have a couple of glittered up retards, then some more Sterger softcore, and then WOMEN KISSING?! Wait, what? I mean I am all for your school having bragging rights to hot women but unless I missed something I’m pretty sure the female fans at FSU don’t go throat deep in celebration during games. Lastly there is the obligatory highly-photoshopped middle finger baby. So, in essence what we have learned is that FSU fans = Jenn Sterger’s fake tits + 3 gay men with paint on their bodies + Cinemax + a baby. Great, that really cleared it up.
Maybe to be fair I’ll just try Googling “FSU” by itself…
“FSU”
Reaction: Holllllly fuck its her all over again? Jesus people don’t you have any other humans associated with your school? Maybe an astronaut, an actor, a fucking local weatherman?!? And perhaps I missed something in my 17+ years searching for porn on the Internet (or Gopher as it was back in 1992) is “FSU” is some kind of universal search term for titties, Sterger’s titties to be exact? I mean you can just Google her name by itself and practically get the same results! This is honestly pathetic and to the several hundred true FSU fans I feel a bit sorry for you.
So I guess my conclusion is that this pretty much represents FSU fans… well, no, that’s not fair, I guess THIS represents FSU… Hmmm well I guess its all better than the truth, people.
EDIT: Apologies for the run on adjectives - I italicized them for more frustrated reading.



The Nationals made a 


Stephen Strasburg, as we all know, is heading toward Tommy John surgery that will keep him out for 12-16 months.
But now we have 2011, a year in which we likely won’t have much more success but a necessary step nonetheless to getting to a playoff contending team. Dunn may be gone. Bryce Harper surely won’t make the scene, he can’t even buy porno or cigarettes yet. Jordan Zimmerman is back and may find himself as the defacto ace of the club for the time being, should we hang on to Livan and try to maintain the rotation as it was. But young players like Ian Desmond will improve, prospects will fill out the bullpen, and coaching (which we need to remember Riggleman has only had one season and a month to serve as the manager) can continue to grow together…Pat Listach better start sending runners as well, come on Nyger Morgan could be all the way back to first base before some of those balls make it to the infield when he puts up the stop sign.



So this may conclude the most important question of the Michael Vick Watch: Vick will play in the NFL again? …and it looks certain he will, and he will do it as a Philadelphia Eagle. Have no fear that “the watch” will continue as we will have to keep a close eye on if Mr. Vick will ever takes the field or if he has a relapse in to a doggy murder spree with
Teams that haven’t outright said “no” to adding Vick in response to pressing questions by local press include the New England Patriots, Seattle Seahawks, New Orleans Saints, and Dallas Cowboys. Early in summer, many analysts speculated that the Dolphins, Raiders and 49s would seek to acquire Vick but that ended with all three team saying they would pass on the opportunity regardless of what the NFL decided. However that was prior to the Goodell-blessing, when any olive branch made by a team would have sparked a preemptive war with dog fanatics and morons alike. A good example of this was in April 

Always quick to turn the situation to himself and highlight his career as a professional ballplayer, Dibble has become almost unbearable to listen to. If the conversation isn’t going Dibble’s way he will be the first to let you know that he’s not happy and bitch and moan for at least a few innings– so I am doing the same thing now. I have tried to like Dibble from the first exposure I had to him on Fox Sports. His direct and brash approach was an acceptable spice to a normal baseball coverage recipe, but when you give him 1/2 the spotlight the flavor just burns your nostrils.



