The Washington Post had a delightful sports section today, the front page had three things I was stoked to see… first Dibble is fired from the broadcast booth by the Nationals, secondly, Nyjer Morgan’s freak out brawl is highlighted with the man himself taunting the crowd as he exits the field, and lastly a cover piece on the Hokies, their stellar running game and potential to head to the BCS Championship game. And for good measure there’s even an upskirt shot in the upper left just to make sure we had some smut in there too.

Go ahead and click on the different articles in the image and learn more …

Do you feel that? Its that dormant addiction brewing in your soul, that anxious excitement that makes you feel queasy and parched, that feeling like you are sitting down in a soon-to-be-launched 150 MPH roller coaster called “Christmas Eve on Cocaine” — It is Hokie Football season.

And because of late, our team seems to want to get back on the wagon in grand either-were-fucked-or-we-fucking-rule fashion we decided to start things off with #3 Boise State at FedEx field…  “#3 Boise State at FedEx field”… That phrase  has almost no known equivalent of lunacy save for “fucking 9 albino whores with a flaming penis blade atop my dragon saddle.”

This is the biggest game in Boise State’s history - because it is the one game that all of the analysts have decided to accept as The Path to the promised land known as the BCS Championship game. Everyone knows how important this game is for shaping the rest of the season rankings (and potentially the post season format in years to come) and big conference schools are all biting their nails whispering “come on Hokies, come on” because they know that Boise can run the table and find themselves squared up against a program with 10x the financial support and 10x the asshole alumni behind them if they live up to their preseason #3 ranking in one week.

Sure, Boise State is a good team and they have a lot of players back. They tend to do well at the end of the season when they one to throw one last fist in the face of the small-conference naysayers. I am sure its easy inspiration for the coaching staff, the old David vs. Goliath, show ‘em what you got, they called your mother a whore routine. But this game is different, now they have the target, and the Hokies are the ones on the attack.

Metaphorically speaking, Boise State has played a game of Asshole with his College Football buddies during the ENTIRE keg party. Boise State was always handing over 2’s and forgetting to call out “last card” - relegated to Vice President at best, but usually just the beer bitch - and they now have their golden chance. They finally have all the 2’s and high royals and they can’t wait to show everyone what they are made of. Well you know what, that’s usually when you get stuck with too many card in your hand and everyone else plays around you.

Here’s to what comes in one week and to the worst sports metaphor ever blogged - Let’s … Go … Hokies!

So we already know that USC had to vacate it’s 2004 Orange Bowl Championship game win because of NCAA rules violations and that was the year that Virginia Tech opened up against USC at FedEx field. So then if that USC team didn’t really “exist” then just how different would have our 2004 season have been?

1. First of all we would have turned the FedEx home opener in to a shit slinging barn burner. With no team to compete against for 60 minutes there wouldn’t have been a need for any keys at all, just start chanting “stick it in” from your own 20 and start setting records.

2. With an 11-1 record the Hokies would have played in the National Championship game. Losing to only NC State on what would go down as one of Brandon Pace’s only bad games, the Hokies may have squeaked by to play Oklahoma in the National Championship and we all know OU only loses the big games so by that logic the Hokies would be crowned national champions.

3. An outpouring of pride in the Commonwealth of Virginia resulting from the Hokies first National Championship would motivate the young voters of the state, turning the state for the democrats in the 2004 presidential election thus causing a run off in which John Kerry would be elected the 44th President of the United States.

4. With Dick Cheney out of the White House, Halliburton would have far less power and would not secure Off-Shore Drilling subcontracts in the Gulf of Mexico. You guessed it, crisis avoided, the gulf is safe and the world is at peace and everyone is a Hokies fan.

So now that we know what happens when you erase USC from the 2004 season we can all look back wishing that the world knew then what it knows now. The 2004 Hokie National Championship team and creation of 100% clean renewable energy were so close to being a reality, mankind just wasn’t ready for Utopia.

Every year I like to put down my holiday wish list for the upcoming year as it relates to Virginia Tech athletics. This year the list looks pretty similar to years’ past… I guess some things are just worth the wait:

A Peach Bowl Win: Even without the assistance of Stephan Virgil I still have a decent amount of confidence heading in to our New Years Eve bowl game against Tennessee (but nothing is certain). The game is significant - mainly because the ACC needs to show some power against the dominant SEC and to keep our 10-win season streak going, but I also want a win for those die-hard Hokie fans that may be returning to Atlanta for a third time in four months after seeing the team lose on their first two attempts. Stocking stuffer: Finishing the season with a top 10 ranking.

A trip to the NCAA Tournament: Sitting 10-1 things are looking favorable for the Hokie Bball team. Strangely though this is something I ask for every year and never seem to get. Perhaps the price is low enough this year and I have been an extra special Hokie so I’ll finally get it under the tree. On the horizon are two tough games for the team: a game against a one-loss Seton Hall squad that shares a common loss with VT (Temple) on January 3rd, and the ACC opener against UNC in Chapel Hill one week later. Stocking stuffer: Delaney winning the 2010 Bob Cousy Award.

October 2, 2010: The date that the Hokies take on Boise State at FedExField can’t come soon enough. To anyone who attended the USC FedEx Game several years back you know just how incredible it is to go to a game in Washington DC’s backyard with 90K+ Hokies (sure there will be a few fans from Boise State - but don’t count on them making much of a dent on third downs). Stocking stuffer: Is it too soon to start beating the BCS Championship drum? Pa ra pa pa pum.

The Last Good Condo at “Legends”: So this may be my “Daddy I want a Pony!” gift but there is only one condo left on the top floor of the soon-to-be-built-but-probably-never-will condo complex located in the shadows of Lane Stadium. It features a balcony, one bedroom, and is a much better location than “The Colosseum” project down 460. In a world where money is no object I would love to rain foamy Natty Light shotgun spray down 4 stories before a game with my friends on a balcony. However, if the gameday attitude of Platinum-Diamond-Encrusted-Cock status Hokie Alum are any indication of how your neighbors would be, expect to have the cops called perpetually and banging on the walls if you cheer loudly, or even stand up, at any point while living in the condo. Stocking stuffer: Returning to Hunter’s Ridge (Phase I) for a semester.

The Hokies are heading back to Atlanta for the Chic-Fil-E Bowl on New Year’s Eve. Note that the “Peach” part of the bowl name has been officially dropped, but we all know it’s the fucking Peach Bowl.
The Peach bowl pairing (like almost all bowl games) is about making as much money as possible (and in the Peach bowl’s case following the contract defined rules of which conferences they can take … ACC and SEC) but that aside I can see a lot coming from the VT/Tenn game:

1. They have been trying to get VT/Tenn to play an invitational +1 game at Bristol Motor Speedway for years and this may bring it one step closer to reality.
2. VT is happier to return to Atlanta when the alternative is that partial-birth abortion of a city, Jacksonville. Despite losing two times already in Atlanta this year alone, going to the Gator Bowl would feel more like a punishment than anything. Besides it will be right for FSU and Bowden’s swan song to be at home in their home state of Florida.
3. The argument is that the SEC’s mediocre can beat up on the ACC’s best (see GT/UGA or Clemson/USC) but this will be a good chance to test that theory when the Hokies try to extend their 10-win season streak.
4. Tenn is rebuilding and taking on a great team like Virginia Tech who is coming off a BCS domination over Cinci last bowl season plays favorably for viewers outside of the teams’ fanbases. I’m sure Tennessee is excited for the chance to get their team back in the limelight, regardless of the outcome.
5. VT last played Georgia recently in the Peach bowl so a rematch might not be as profitable or exciting for fans - myself included - and I’d rather play Tennessee than LSU or one of the even “dumber” SEC schools.

Side note: I’m very disappointed that TCU will be playing Boise State in the Fiesta Bowl. I really wanted to see the David and Goliath thing play out against a major conference team like Florida. And apparently there was actual discussions of taking Virginia Tech OVER Cinci or Boise State for the last couple of bowl selections. As a Hokie fan I would have been very happy to see the BCS selection choose Virginia Tech over Boise State but I couldn’t straight-face call it fair.

Don’t dump freezing liquid on Uncle Frank, we need him to live another 39 years.
…. And what exactly are we celebrating again? Well I’ll tell you.

For only the second time since joining the ACC the Hokies will not be playing in an end of the season conference title game. However looking back now that we are at the end of the regular season it is important to note that the team did manage to make it a decent season:

• VT was ranked consecutively in the AP top 25 all season
• VT played the 7th hardest schedule of all 119 FBS teams
• The team uprooted Miami 37-10 (again)
• Previously untested and relatively unknown RB Ryan Williams rushed for 1538 yards (avg 5.7 yards a carry) and 19 touchdowns in relief of Evans who will be back next season
• Tyrod has matured in to a quarteback I feel “safe” with
• VT is the highest ranked 3 loss team and has a chance to continue the 10-win streak with a bowl game victory
• Our out of conference games included a team playing for a National Championship slot with Alabama, a Nebraska team playing Texas in the Big 12 Championship, a 8 win ECU team, and even a .500 Marshall team

Tech did put an explanation point on an otherwise down season with Saturday’s rout of UVA. Its always a satisfying Thanksgiving treat to know we retain the commonwealth cup another year. After the game this year however Al Groh packed up his office and said farewell to the head coaching position. He did manage to leave behind a pretty badass goodbye speech. As Hokie fans we will miss having him as the UVA coach only because things went so well against him while he was there.

This year’s woefully underachieving Cavalier team didn’t prevent the UVScum alumni from coming out to the game however. I have heard scalping horror stories from friends. One fan in search of tickets came upon a blue sweatered and creme blazer wearing DB who said “check out my seats - they are awesome” holding up some obnoxiously large and foil stamped box seats. The VT fan said he didn’t care where they were and just wanted to get in and so UVADB responded “well I’m not going in, you can buy them” the Hokie said okay and got through an ear to ear grin “for $800!… Which I know you can’t afford!” and then put his arm around his smug wife and pranced off, farting Tofurkey leftovers. In an unrelated event, another guy told a hokie fan if he would clear away some of his tailgating trash he would sell his ticket. He then began pointing out the difference in quality of automobiles between Tech and UVA fans to his entire tailgate. Apparently now we are counting minor degrees in Old Money in the UVA salary comparisons. But now I am off topic…

Anyway, it may not have been the best season but it could have been far worse given the injury to Evans and the first game loss to Alabama. As fans we have come to expect a lot of our beloved Hokies - and that is a good thing - it is a character trait all winning football programs possess and the kind of attitude that will ensure next year is even better than this - which again, wasn’t all that bad after all.

Let’s hope the Peach Bowl only adds more reason to look back on 2009 with a smile.

Beating NC State solidly was a change I didn’t expect. The Wolfpack is a team that always seems to give the Hokies trouble. Perhaps its a sign something is changing in the ACC. After all Clemson appears as though they could be BCS bound in two weeks time and four teams in the Coastal division alone are ranked.

But that’s not all, the Hokies just might be on track to becoming a defensive AND offensive team. In the past two weeks individual players have really started to click on all sides of the field. Tyrod has had his personal records broken, Williams continues to make a case for the best running back in the ACC while rewriting freshman Hokie record books, and Cody Grimm is popping out so many fumbles you’d think he was sneaking extra footballs on the field. The most frustrating thing about the end of the season success is that it doesn’t carry us anywhere better than the Peach Bowl.

N.C. State came into the game averaging 32.6 points per game, second in the ACC, but the Hokies held the team to 10 points and for first three quarters in which scoring was our goal we played with a sense of urgency I haven’t seen in a long time. Granted I only watched the first half thanks to the new Mario Bros game, but I’ll dig up the replay at some point.

If we keep this up we should have our 9th win of the season this Saturday against UVA. UVA is basically playing for the same reasons as VT in this match — one last thrill before the end of the season but as in year’s past I think they will keep their wine corked and bowties prim and proper and walk away with a big fat L.

Eat your turkey and cheer for the Hokies. Score Prediction: Virginia Tech 36, UVGhey 7.

Apologies in advance for my reference to a 1985 Budweiser slogan. According to a number of news outlets, Bud Foster is once again expressing interest in head coaching positions outside of Blacksburg.

In referring to an opening at Conference USA’s Memphis program Bud Foster said “That might be a job I might be interested in, I think there’s a lot of things that are attractive about it.” Well, I might be shitting myself, Bud.

Foster showed interest in head coaching jobs at Clemson and NC State last year which ultimately didn’t pan out but there is more of a connection to Memphis for Bud given his relationship to current athletic staff and his high school roots in Illinois. For now however there hasn’t been a formal announcement by Memphis that they are considering Foster.

Though Bud has shown he is mortal when it comes to recreating dominating defenses this season, a momentary decline in his otherwise stellar record, it doesn’t seem as though his attitude is any different than it was last year. He is eager to be a head coach and will consider just about any opportunity that will allow him to accomplish that goal. It doesn’t sound as though Weaver/Beamer did much this season to anchor our Defensive Coordinator to Virginia Tech and its only a matter of time before a school decides he is the right fit and pulls him away from Lane Stadium.

Translation to all of this: “Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shi…”

Oh boy, its that time of the year again! This Saturday the Hokies get to travel in to College Park to take on Maryland. Its like the day you lose an hour of sleep thanks to daylight savings - its a necessary evil but it must be done. Now don’t get me wrong, I can’t think of a more enjoyable Saturday afternoon than going to a football game with 51,000 screaming Jersey douch smear rejects of SUNY-Plattsburgh who are spitting in my face that they will make my mother air-tight as they are flash shockers from behind the ultraviolet safety of their aviator sunglasses.

But you know, something always makes me want to crush the living shit out of Maryland, I can’t quite figure out what it is. Perhaps its that I don’t like that there is even a conversation happening that Maryland/VT should be considered a “rivalry” - face it, Maryland is about as significant to Virginia Tech as a trip see old ass relatives to make sure they smile once more before dying somewhere in upstate New York.
… Which is why it makes this season’s match-up all that more concerning…

we must crush them

If this season has showed us anything up to this point its that we have found a great way of playing down to our competition.  Sure, we beat ECU on Thursday Night Football and the broadcasters highlighted our defensive power in the red zone (mind you they gave just as much attention to a cereal based snack created by Coach Holtz’ wife called “Pirate Treasure Munch”) and seemed content to fluff Tyrod’s balls during the entire game but remember we only mustered 16 points in a game in which Ryan Williams was setting season-high rushing numbers. This has to improve. In time for what you ask? Well I’ll be damned if after a season that began with legitimate mention of the words “National Championship” we have our throat stomped in by some shit team like Maryland.

The ONLY team Maryland has BEAT this entire season is Clemson (who clearly had someone personally make death threats to all those who are voting in the AP because somehow that turd on wheels is in the top 25). Sure, you COULD claim that Maryland also beat JMU… but to take your home opener in to overtime against a CAA school with a losing record is about as much of a win as eating Jimmy John’s subs and not shitting blood.

And we do have some new snazzy uniforms thanks to Nike (I personally like the gloves). But don’t think for a second that these slick new threads will make the play calling any different, or magically erase our love for 3-and-outs, or stop us from jerking each other off as we sputter and fail to score at first and goal from the five. This team has run out of time to “find itself” in 2009 and at this point we are playing for confidence and experience heading in to the 2010 season and with it a renewed shot at the ACC title and beyond.

So here we are, going up against a team that historically we are about .500 against (15-14 all time), who’s coach has given up more on his team than he has portion control, and a team who’s stupid shitty mascot who holds a big M to his chest to let us all know that M stands for “rapist cock whistles… Uh… Mmm-hmm” and I can’t help but fear what could happen.

In sum, we need to win this game because we have plenty to lose against an opponent which we horrible outmatch on paper and should equally outmatch on the field. This is the home stretch of three games before we head in to the bowl season (oh boy, I can’t wait to see if its the tire bowl or blooming onion bowl) and we still have a shot at holding our heads in the air with a 10-win season.

Let’s not let up now Hokies, not against this stain of a team.

Score Prediction: Virginia Tech 24, Maryland 0