Okay, its here… the start of a new football season, one of the biggest games in VT history, a BCS caliber kickoff game between two top 10 teams, everybody gets laid, free hat, etc, etc…

Virginia Tech starts the season with a huge target on their back with a #7 preseason rank. The team has a chance to address the lofty rank and quiet would-be ACC naysayers this Saturday night when they take on Alabama at the Georgia Dome in Atlanta. The scenario may seem oddly familiar since this is the same stage in which an over-hyped Clemson team fell to Alabama at the start of season last year, but this year there is a new cast representing our conference and the stakes seem much more real as both teams are ranked higher than Clemson’s 2008 preseason rank of 9th place (Alabama was 24th).

Breaking down the game, USA Today shows a spread favoring Alabama by 6.5 points (a 1.5 point jump from the opening line when we had a healthy Darren Evans on the roster) with an over/under of 38. These are some pretty big number considering we are dealing with two very strong defenses between the two schools.

Analysts who believe Alabama will have the edge probably think that Tyrod Taylor and his supporting cast will have a tough time moving the ball down the field against such a strong defense. In response, let’s not ignore the fact that Alabama was less than spectacular at holding back Utah in their BCS bowl game at the end of last season. Granted our offense is not as potent as Utah’s “score happy and procreate later” style of play, but in front of a crowd of screaming ‘Bama alumni and one super-extended Mormon family, the Utes managed to score 21 unanswered points in the first quarter and go on to win handily against a favored team.

Only the Jonas Brothers were able to fill the Superdome with more screaming preteens

To win, the Hokies need to make a crimson turd out of Alabama’s quarterback Greg McElroy and make sure that any balls that do make in to air come amidst heavy pressure. If the new QB can’t get in to a rhythm with his receivers it will hopefully allow VT to create some turnovers and score in the fashion we do best. As for offense, perhaps losing Evans has a silver lining for this game… Evans, who was coming off an MVP performance in the Orange Bowl, was probably at the top of most of Capt. Predictable’s (Stinespring) play call charts. Since Alabama has a very strong front seven we may have saved a few 3-and-out drives by avoiding the “run up the middle and its gotta work” mentality. With a good mixture of plays that address the running game shuffle and that utilize Tyrod’s athletic ability to move around and down the field with his arm and legs we may be able to keep Alabama’s defense from locking in.

Alabama recently extended Nick Saban’s contract until 2090 when he is expected to coach from a bright red coffin adorned with a wireless headset.  His mind may be thinking long term at this point, he has already mentioned how important this game is to ensure his National Championship path. More importantly his team may think that an ACC opener is a walk in the park after last year’s pillow fight with Clemson. It is a Clemson team that also may have some doubt after looking like a distant SEC second when they lost to Utah back in January. Hopefully these things combine to offset the team’s ability to really prepare for what might as well be a BCS bowl game. The momentum from Virginia Tech’s bowl win carries over while the hangover lingers just another week for the Crimson Tide and the Hokies start off the season 1-0.

Score Prediction: Virginia Tech 24, Alabama 14

So this may conclude the most important question of the Michael Vick Watch: Vick will play in the NFL again? …and it looks certain he will, and he will do it as a Philadelphia Eagle. Have no fear that “the watch” will continue as we will have to keep a close eye on if Mr. Vick will ever takes the field or if he has a relapse in to a doggy murder spree with Josh Hamilton snorting coke off the corpses.

Normally I only cheer for the Eagles the two times a year that they play the Cowboys, but today I support the franchise and their bold decision to place Vick on their roster.

But the Eagles signing Vick really makes sense for a number of reasons:

1. Eagles fans are constantly booing everything anyway. It doesn’t matter if its a beloved icon like Santa Claus, American Idol winners during the National Anthem, or their own players, Eagles fans love to boo and throw D-cells. When Vick trots out on the field the boo-birds will be nothing unusual to Lincoln Financial Field. It may even too hard to tell the difference between the animal lovers and the McNabb haters this Fall, its just accepted as a form of “cheering” for the Eagles.

2. MV is performance that can help Philly win. Assuming Vick will be used in any kind of a backup QB to cripple-destined McNabb, he will bring movement to the pocket that the position has somewhat lost as McNabb has aged. I know that the Redskins are particularly awful against speedy quarterbacks so I am not looking forward to this possibility.

3. MONEY MONEY MONEY! Anyone who says “I’m disgusted with the Eagles and I will show them by boycotting watching their games” is shit-for-brains. Despite attempts by society to make professional football (or any pro sport) some kind of shining example of our country’s integrity and a role model for our children, the National Football League exists for one reason and one reason only: MONEY! Vick is by FAR the most talked about, watched, discussed, googled, protested, you-name-it player in football and it is a gaurantee that ratings skyrocket for Eagles games as fans from inside and outside the sport tune in to see the man who has been the talk of the media for YEARS. Even if Vick is a total bust athletically he will be a boon economically. Just his jersey sales alone (whether they are bought by Philadelphia inner-city fans or by PETA activists to burn in protest) will make up for his salary.

4. Jersey Number ‘7′ is available but it doesn’t have to be as a backup QB. Don’t forget that Vick doesn’t need to be a QB to make a difference, he may be used in some other capacity Devin Hester style to make a difference. He isn’t in much of a position to complain if is platooned other than behind center (or on the bench for that matter).

5. Eagles come out on top in the end. There may be some P.R. backlash right now but the Eagles are in a win/win situation. If Vick performs well and helps the team win then “who cares?” they were smart to give the man a chance -someone had to. And if Vick doesn’t really show the magic he had before the Eagles can put their arms up and say “we tried to give this man a chance, he deserves it, and its what Jesus would have wanted.”

So I think that covers it (although A.S. will tell me that I am completely incorrect about any statistical or analytical aspects of this post in relation to his favorite team), the Eagles made the right choice and it was the right choice for football, professional sports as a whole and the United States of America. Parents, you can expect to find the family Bichon Frise, “Mirabel”, with a 9-volt battery shoved up its ass, drowned in the toilet by week 6.

It looks like Bud Light is upping the ante on becoming the tailgate shotgun beer of choice at this year’s Hokie football tailgates. My prediction is that it will be a success, history tells us so. The first time that Dixie plopped down orange solo cups next to the Beer Pong standard Solo red cups they sold out immediately across town.

I look forward to a Nebraska double pounder:
Hokie BL in my left, Hokie Bird White in my right.

I am just pleased because it makes one more reason why people will avoid buying that piss of a beer Miller Lite. But don’t get too far ahead of yourselves Hokie fans… we aren’t the lone school worthy of this marketing gimmick -these school color cans have been made for a number of other NCAA football schools this season as well.

9/24/09 Update: It looks as though the Bud Light “Fan Can” promotion may die before the football season even begins (see the comments section). If you must have these soon-to-be-collector’s items you should head to the University Mall Kroger where the first case was spotted or scour eBay, a few savvy sellers have already put up auctions to sell off cans. Let’s hope that VT doesn’t take an official stance against the cans like many other schools (Boston College, Syracuse, Alabama among others) have and perhaps we can make it to at least one tailgate with orange and maroon cans.

We all know that VT has been ranked in the first coaches’ poll as a respectible Number 7 team. That number will be immedately tested on a national scale when the team takes on Alabama in the first game of the season. The ‘Tide was able to pull out a respectable (and somewhat surprising) fifth place rank themselves. We should be mindful of what the team needs to prove however and not let ourselves get too carried away…

It would be unfair for me to ignore all my hatred and arguments over the faults of a pre-season poll process simply because the Hokies landed a top-ten spot. Remember that the “coaches” who are voting in this so-called poll probably aren’t even the coaches themselves (most insiders now realize it is some overzealous A.D. assistant or intern that pulls the trigger on their head coach’s behalf) and even if is the real deal head coach deal filling out the ballot whats to say that they do any homework on what teams really are the best? Bobby Bowden isn’t bothering with this shit, neither is Joe-Pa, maybe even Uncle Frank feels there are better things than to waste time on a media worshipping vote.

Regardless of how low that number next to our name gets, we find ourself in a similiar position that we have been at before… we have an EXPECTATION to do well… but fortunately this year we don’t play a cupcake filled first month of the season and instead head straight in to the fire. I do like that we are still underdogs for the game against Alabama, even if so slightly. I feel like we have always done better when we surprise the competition rather than when we have to sustain our place in the polls. Its going to be two teams with a lot to prove on September 5th and neither teams wants to be the season’s first to be labeled “overrated.”

It is scary to put so much on the line right at the start of the season, but knowing are less than one month away from kickoff just makes me think “bring it on.”

ESPN.com recently relied on three analysts (Pat Forde, Ivan Maisel and Mark Schlabach) to pick the best 40 programs in college football. This isn’t a top 25 projection for the 2009 season nor is it a listing of the most storied or popular programs of all time nor is a list of the best teams at this very moment; it is a hybrid list of the best teams when “all things considered” out of all 120 NCAA programs.

Three men drafted what they called the ”most successful programs in the nation” based on well… whatever criteria they choose to use. There was no set formula (though wins and losses mattered most) and there was no birthright for any team based solely on its history- 21st century domination was more important than what happened in the 1930s. Fan followings, history and overall team prestige counted as well. So really once you realize the criteria is total bullshit it doesn’t even mean anything at all to be ranked on this list… but ANY time Virginia Tech beats FSU, Miami, and UVA I will happily brag about it.

Here is a portion of the list:
1. USC
2. Florida
3. Oklahoma
4. Texas
5. LSU
6. OSU
7. Penn State
8. Alabama
9. Notre Dame
10. Georgia
11. Michigan
12. Nebraska
13. Virginia Tech
14. FSU
15. Tennessee
…
24. Miami
…
36. Boston College

Apparently these 40-teams will be split up in to four 10-team conferences for a nauseating season-long ESPN.com mock tournament that will pit each team against one another in a weekly fictitious elimination match ending (most likely) with a giant picture of Pete Carroll snorting coke out of Mark Sanchez’s hair. Either way, its good to be the top of the ACC and I’m very proud of how far this school’s football program has come since I went to my first game in 1996.

Link to the list: http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=4375901

Unsurprisingly, Michael Vick has been given a conditional reinstatement to the NFL. He can play in the preseason for now, that is if any team takes the PR risk on signing him. There is really no other risk to the situation otherwise… Vick isn’t seeking millions to return to the field and the potential upswing of a 29 year-old former Pro Bowl quarterback on an offense is high even with a two-season hiatus.

Teams that haven’t outright said “no” to adding Vick in response to pressing questions by local press include the New England Patriots, Seattle Seahawks, New Orleans Saints, and Dallas Cowboys. Early in summer, many analysts speculated that the Dolphins, Raiders and 49s would seek to acquire Vick but that ended with all three team saying they would pass on the opportunity regardless of what the NFL decided. However that was prior to the Goodell-blessing, when any olive branch made by a team would have sparked a preemptive war with dog fanatics and morons alike. A good example of this was in April when a New York arena-football league offered to employ Vick for $200/week (contingent on Vick donating $100,000 to a local humane group). That created a media melee ending with the team saying the whole offer was a “joke” — some teams probably aren’t considering Vick a laughing matter at this point.

One team that said they didn’t want Vick because of a potential political and social backlash is the Redskins because of its close proximity to policy pumping DC (not to mention PETA HQ is down the road in Norfolk, VA alongside the biggest Vick supporters). But don’t count the ‘Skins out entirely… nor any team that runs a wild cat offense … nor any team that is lacking in the backup quarterback category.  Hmm, actually before you know it you don’t just have one team who may be looking to add Vick, but you have a group of potential BIDDERS for his service.

It looks like any team Vick joins could be without his services for the first six regular season games under the potential scenario proposed by Roger Goodell, but rest assured someone will take the chance.

Virginia Tech has agreed to play Boise State in 2010 and 2011. Syracuse, a team previously slated to be completely face-raped by the Hokies in those years, backed out of a scheduled home-and-home recently … so the Hokies went looking for some better competition.

Rumor has it that the Hokies’ 2010 season will open against Boise State at FedEx Field, site of the USC kickoff game five years ago. The 2011 game will be played in Blacksburg. Virginia Tech gets to benefit greatly from the deal, making what could be considered two home games out of the plan, and it brings a west coast team (and its exposure) to an east coast program that likes to play on grass - not blue turf. Dan Snyder is also laughing from his lair in Hell.

Michael Vick’s jail sentence has finally come to an end (at the dismay of those people who value the life of a Siberian Hamster over that of a member of their own family) and league representatives are working on setting up a meeting between Vick and NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, likely to occur within the next few days (hopefully before Big Ben’s rape scandal takes up the commissioner’s day planner).

We have been told that this meeting with Vick could mean the end of the quaterback’s indefinite suspension although Goodell says he needs to be “convinced” that Vick has learned and grown from the experience. Yeah, bullllllshit Roger. Vick could stroll in to Goodell’s office being pulled by a dozen Alaskan sled dogs while wearing a bad newz kennels starter jacket and holding a wooden stake adorned with a dalmatian’s still bleeding head and that turd would find a way to allow Vick back in to the league all the while ensuring they still come out smelling like roses.

Of course Vick will still need to sign with an NFL team if reinstated, that is if any team is batshit crazy enough to sign him, before he is officially back. Goodell could always allow Vick “access” to the league as a free agent but restrict his ability to play in regular season games also. This would allow the NFL to sit back and see just how much controversy and protest gets stirred up over the return of a convicted dog fighting mastermind (moronmind?) to the sport.

We will just have to see what kind of a response Vick gets from the NFL franchises themselves. It has been speculated that even with a two season hiatus Vick is a better choice for quarterback than at least a handful of NFL teams’ current situation so I would expect a few to mull over the PR backlash in exchange for more wins.

Improving records aside, you can bet that if the preseason ratings for Vick’s landing place spike (an NFL or UFL team) the teams that passed on giving him at least a consideration will be feeling some regret.

Nothing like starting the season with a game that has the same caliber and excitement of a major bowl game. Not since the USC/VT FedEx Field opener has there been such an enticing start to a season, and we all can’t wait to see what will go down in Atlanta on the first Saturday of the college football season. Its good to put a real test to the Hokies at the start of the season also, too many years we start off with a JMU-caliber opener and don’t get challenged enough until a big program blindsides us (and I am sure that the team hasn’t forgotten the pain of last year’s ECU opener and will be fully prepared for a fight). Besides, we can always recover down the season should something less than favorable happen in our first game. Its worked in the past for teams like Florida, Florida State, OSU, and USC to lose early and hope everyone forgets by December.

Rating: 5 Frank Beamers getting punched in the face

I’m pretty sure we are playing Marshall this season as a result of a trademark infringement settlement related to Giovanni’s “We Are Virginia Tech” speech. Regardless, its always good to open at home with a relatively easy game to get the Lane Stadium faithful back on tempo and get the secondary a chance to snag some long balls out of the sky. The Thundering Herd ended last season in more of a whimpering crawl, but you never know what to expect out of CUSA, just ask ECU.

Rating: 2 Complacent but bored Frank Beamers

This could be one of the best home games of the year. Last year’s trip to Lincoln showed a lot of what Tech had to offer outside of their east coast market. It was the farthest west the Hokies had traveled for a regular season game and helped bolster ACC respect among other conferences. Memorial Stadium is perhaps the best place to watch a college football game in the country, and their loyal corn fed fans are expected to travel well and make for a memorable conclusion to this one-and-one.

Rating: 4 Excitedly Handsome Frank Beamers

Miami sucks. The vacant cat-filled shithole known as the Orange Bowl sucks. Their fans, who never attended Miami, suck. The only thing redeeming about this game is that it is in Blacksburg and we have a chance to scream our faces off at them. The Miami football program has changed so much in the past few seasons I really don’t know what to expect other than a lot of ankle monitors and a spike in do-rag sales at Target.

Rating: 2 Hate-filled Frank Beamers

We didn’t exactly blow away Duke last year so the thought of going to visit them doesn’t really feel all that great until you remember that they are Duke, and no one ever loses to Duke, except UVA and hookers.

Rating: 2 Bored Crystal Gail Mangums

ESPN’s stain of a reporter Heather Dinich picked BC Football to finish 11th in the ACC next season.She actually thinks Duke will be a better team than BC. Granted BC has recenlty faced some unexpected and unfortunate losses to the program but I wouldn’t count them out, even at Lane. I can remember a Saturday night game down in Blacksburg in which BC came in and showed the fans you can never ignore the Eagles… unless its the ACC championship game.

Rating: 2 Happy As Shit, 1 Straight Faced Frank Beamers

I support Georgia Tech… especially when they steal our jerseys. Its a trip back to Atlanta I will wish I was in the stands to see. Georgia Tech has enough talent to scare us, just like they almost did last year, but I have confidence that we match up well against the Jackets as we come in to the second half of our season. We are sandwiched in as a solo home game between 4 road games for the Jackets, they may be feeling the pain from travel but I can be sure that this game is at the forefront of coaches’ and players’ minds down in Atlanta.

Rating: 2.5 Happy To Play Frank Beamers

At some point I think I remember someone trying to convince me that UNC was an up-and-coming football program. I even think I was pretty scared of playing them in response to his claims, but then the guy said “Holy shit, is that a Tyler Hansbrough highlight?” and we forgot all about the conversation. I wonder what ever happened to UNC football’s program. Ooo look, its on a Thursday night! In all seriousness, I’m still not convinced Yates and company can do something against our defense - they just haven’t improved enough as a team to beat the Hokies. We just need to get the ball to the pylons once or twice.

Rating: 2 Gunna Steal Your Bike Frank Beamers

These pricks…. Okay, I really don’t hate them, but I hated how we lost last season. Sports writers couldn’t resist saying we had “Beamer ball turned upon us.” No sirs that is incorrect, we simply got caught with our pants down (no cock visible) in front of a large “neutral” (yeah right) Charlotte crowd. Personally, I know we lost because I didn’t have a wad of dip in my mouth. I hope that we can settle the score this year in what will be the biggest game ECU has ever hosted at their stadium, located behind the Family Dollar.

Rating: 4 Drunken Revenge Frank Beamers

I don’t have anything to say about this game. Heading in to Maryland is as heartwarming as a partial birth abortion. I hope they experiment with a white/black/pink out this year - it always seems to provide the 40 or so points the Hokies need to continue bragging around the beltway.

Rating: 3 Disgustedly Sickened Frank Beamers

NC State is scary this year… Especially this late in the season. I have faith that the homefield advantage will be the edge we need, but make no mistake we will need it. Although NC State was 4-4 in the ACC last season they are on a rebound and Virginia Tech has never really been able to handle the Wolfpack that well. Its like one of those strange Madden 2002 matchups where you can’t understand why the computer algorithm throws an impossible win at you when you pair up the ‘79 Packers against the ‘96 Vikings. NC State builds up its in-conference schedule until the showdown with Tech late in the season. Could this be a preview of this year’s ACC Championship game?

Rating: 4 Last Home Game Lets-Not-Blow-It Frank Beamers

I heard we are going to have some kind of “exhibition cocktail party” in late November. Some of the football players will be on hand to play-out a mock scrimmage and sign autographs. Details to follow.

Rating: 2 Leslie Nielsens, 1 Best Coach In the Commonwealth Beamer

I read today, quite hidden in the Post’s sports section, that the Football Coaches Association has announced that as of 2010 the final USA Today (a.k.a. Coaches Poll) will become anonymous. To some this may seem a minor change but to me it is a massively significant modification.

The Coaches Poll makes up one-third of the factors of who will play in the BCS championship game and to remove all accountability from the final (and most important vote) also removes all credibility of the poll. You might as well make every week anonymous if coaches will be free to put down whatever they want in the final and all-important vote.

This further dilutes the BCS as well. The BCS was already flawed in many ways, but we did have some balance between computer polls and human rankings. Thankfully the Harris poll will remain mid-season and will disclose votes (though counting Terry Bradshaw seems like a strike against the system) but the Harris often mimics the lead of the Coaches and AP polls since many of the members of the panel are made up of mainstream sports personalities, major conference presidents, and even a woman (oh shut up — until a woman has coached or played a significant role in a football game I can say that it’s bullshit). Bullshit + Bullshit + Computers = Terminator Salvation (26% Rotten Tomatoes rating).

What would be MUCH more important and helpful to the process if we did away with the awful preseason poll that is based largely on hype, fluff, and Katie Perry’s vagina antics. The preseason poll unnessarily “locks” in coaches to vote the same throughout the season, so long as nothing major happens (basically a loss for a ranked team or a top 10 knocking off another top 10). If you want to improve the system and give the coaches more freedom, don’t lock coaches in to a pre-season estimation based on nothing more than what is left of a flickering flame from a team’s performance 7 months earlier in the year and estimations on how graduating seniors and incoming young blood will impact a program.

Rant ends here.