From contributing author Jro:

Amidst the swirling news of the failing, no recovering, no, no, failing again economy, the presidential election, lay-offs, hot Lil’ Wayne tracks, and a rather disparaging Hokie’s season it seems that those around have forgotten about Halloween. To think that we have gotten so wrapped up in our post-collegiate careers that we have forgotten one of the most exciting and yet confusing holidays. Let me reminisce….

To begin, I never really got the whole damn holiday. For the first half of my childhood it was fucking exciting as shit, I mean stay up late, wear costumes, eat candy…Fuck yeah!!!! What else was there? But the second half, oh, well that was a different story. Apparently when I turned 10 it became a satanic holiday in which children who participated in the evenings events were damned eternally to hell for their worship of the devil on his most sacred of nights?? I remember when my parents sat me down to show me a video of what Halloween really meant. Just think Sesame Street meets eternal damnation. No, no, just think about it…..give it a min, oh yeah fucking twisted.

And then there were the college years. Oh the years on my own, the seven gloriuos college years of rebellion, booze ‘a’ plenty, the inevitable 7ft bong costume, Swain’s Stevie Nixx costume, and lets not forget the dumb slut who just wore her underwear…I loved that chic so little selfesteem but so much fun.

But then there is now. I mean at the age I’m at the holiday has left me with just another reason to get obliterated and dry hump a few aging coed’s that lost their touch a few years ago. I mean don’t get me started on that shit but seriously, I am sorry I thought you were dressed as cows…how was I supposed to know that you were in fact dalmations? Its not like the freaking movie is a recent release from the local redbox. There is only 4 of you! Where is the other freaking 97?

I mean honestly am I too old to dress up this year? I freaking think so. Seems to me the best years I ever had anyways were when I just went dressed in what I wore to work that day. For instance:

Hey jRo what are you dressed as?
• “A fucking adult”
• “Someone who was forced to go to a semi-formal”
• “The asshole you are going to wake up next to”
• Or perhaps more appropriate this year - “Employed”

So yeah this year I am not dressing up! Sure I will be out drinking as usual and I know I will be surrounded by the masses wearing the same 5 freaking costumes. But NO, I will be too good for that! I am officially protesting this childish and stupid holiday. I am almost 30 dammit, and I have a job and I need to grow up. To this day I am haunted by images of Burt screwing Ernie in the ass while The Count (Satan) laughs and counts in the fiery background.

So if by chance you are out in DC and looking for me on Halloween….

…..I’ll be the guy in the green man costume.