Unsurprisingly, Michael Vick has been given a conditional reinstatement to the NFL. He can play in the preseason for now, that is if any team takes the PR risk on signing him. There is really no other risk to the situation otherwise… Vick isn’t seeking millions to return to the field and the potential upswing of a 29 year-old former Pro Bowl quarterback on an offense is high even with a two-season hiatus.

Teams that haven’t outright said “no” to adding Vick in response to pressing questions by local press include the New England Patriots, Seattle Seahawks, New Orleans Saints, and Dallas Cowboys. Early in summer, many analysts speculated that the Dolphins, Raiders and 49s would seek to acquire Vick but that ended with all three team saying they would pass on the opportunity regardless of what the NFL decided. However that was prior to the Goodell-blessing, when any olive branch made by a team would have sparked a preemptive war with dog fanatics and morons alike. A good example of this was in April when a New York arena-football league offered to employ Vick for $200/week (contingent on Vick donating $100,000 to a local humane group). That created a media melee ending with the team saying the whole offer was a “joke” — some teams probably aren’t considering Vick a laughing matter at this point.

One team that said they didn’t want Vick because of a potential political and social backlash is the Redskins because of its close proximity to policy pumping DC (not to mention PETA HQ is down the road in Norfolk, VA alongside the biggest Vick supporters). But don’t count the ‘Skins out entirely… nor any team that runs a wild cat offense … nor any team that is lacking in the backup quarterback category.  Hmm, actually before you know it you don’t just have one team who may be looking to add Vick, but you have a group of potential BIDDERS for his service.

It looks like any team Vick joins could be without his services for the first six regular season games under the potential scenario proposed by Roger Goodell, but rest assured someone will take the chance.

Virginia Tech has agreed to play Boise State in 2010 and 2011. Syracuse, a team previously slated to be completely face-raped by the Hokies in those years, backed out of a scheduled home-and-home recently … so the Hokies went looking for some better competition.

Rumor has it that the Hokies’ 2010 season will open against Boise State at FedEx Field, site of the USC kickoff game five years ago. The 2011 game will be played in Blacksburg. Virginia Tech gets to benefit greatly from the deal, making what could be considered two home games out of the plan, and it brings a west coast team (and its exposure) to an east coast program that likes to play on grass - not blue turf. Dan Snyder is also laughing from his lair in Hell.

Michael Vick’s jail sentence has finally come to an end (at the dismay of those people who value the life of a Siberian Hamster over that of a member of their own family) and league representatives are working on setting up a meeting between Vick and NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, likely to occur within the next few days (hopefully before Big Ben’s rape scandal takes up the commissioner’s day planner).

We have been told that this meeting with Vick could mean the end of the quaterback’s indefinite suspension although Goodell says he needs to be “convinced” that Vick has learned and grown from the experience. Yeah, bullllllshit Roger. Vick could stroll in to Goodell’s office being pulled by a dozen Alaskan sled dogs while wearing a bad newz kennels starter jacket and holding a wooden stake adorned with a dalmatian’s still bleeding head and that turd would find a way to allow Vick back in to the league all the while ensuring they still come out smelling like roses.

Of course Vick will still need to sign with an NFL team if reinstated, that is if any team is batshit crazy enough to sign him, before he is officially back. Goodell could always allow Vick “access” to the league as a free agent but restrict his ability to play in regular season games also. This would allow the NFL to sit back and see just how much controversy and protest gets stirred up over the return of a convicted dog fighting mastermind (moronmind?) to the sport.

We will just have to see what kind of a response Vick gets from the NFL franchises themselves. It has been speculated that even with a two season hiatus Vick is a better choice for quarterback than at least a handful of NFL teams’ current situation so I would expect a few to mull over the PR backlash in exchange for more wins.

Improving records aside, you can bet that if the preseason ratings for Vick’s landing place spike (an NFL or UFL team) the teams that passed on giving him at least a consideration will be feeling some regret.

Hasbro’s “Transformers” toy line received a shot to the arm from Jerry “Blow Up The Exploding Explosion” Bruckheimer’s (EDIT: Michael “Turn up the bass on the sunset” Bay’s) recent films… Unfortunately, the blockbuster movies did not try very hard at updating the robots for 2009 and kept with the early 80’s creatures having the ability to transform from dated objects such as trucks, planes, and tanks. If they decide to make a third Transformers film - and I am sure they will - I think the following robots would represent a much more suitable modern day lineup of friends and foes to run around with Toe Thumb and Drunk Shit:

REDBOXACON: Always prepared to offer the latest romantic comedy for only a buck a night, REDBOXACON dwells among us in suburban sprawls. As an Autobot his powers are as limitless as his number of DVD titles, just don’t expect there to be a copy of Bride Wars the day it comes out.

WHOLEFOODSCYLON: Just when you thought the Whole Foods salad bar couldn’t get any more intense, WHOLEFOODSCYLON’s fist will come flying out of the Chinese snow peas. This Deceptacon does NOT allow sampling, and at $6.99 a pound its really the best death machine deal in town.

LABRATRON: A combination of Autobot, Labrador Retriever, and Poodle, Labratron is mankind’s last hope and best friend. A special breed created specifically to not shed hair, this little fellow springs to life when ethnic strangers come by. His sidekick “Plasticbagatron” is never too far away to pick up the pieces left by this fierce warrior robot.

DIVORCEACON: More than meets the sixteen eyes… DIVORCEACON is a Decepticon disguised as the 8 Gosselin children. This overbearing ‘bot puts undue pressure on otherwise happy marriages and causes honest spouses to stray -usually to a slutty co-worker or thoughtful gay friend.

…

Occasionally, after drinking excessive amounts of alcohol, you become extremely motivated about some particular topic of conversation and then when the buzz wears off you question how you ever found the topic even remotely interesting, let alone worthy of extended conversation. Last weekend a debate over the “Best East Coast Supermarket Chain” erupted. It was resolved in a seeded bracket system (taking in to account overall value, selection, fresh and prepared foods, and store quality)… I feel compelled to show the results below. This drunkbate did not include big-box stores such as Costco, Walmart, or Target.

We might as well have been deciding whether to launch a nuclear attack on North Korea when we were deciding this thing, and many match-ups went to diplomatic debate involving Robert’s Rules. But again, once sober, I have no clue why this was such an engaging debate.

My buddy’s blog post about the affordability of housing in Washington made me curious of whether or not I could afford one of the SMALLEST homes in all of suburban Washington DC.

I believe I have found this “home of my dreams” in Old Town Alexandria. There is a tiny house on the brick lined sidewalks of Queen Street which has been called affectionately a “spite house” –or a house built just out of spite. The house was built in 1830 by a home owner who lived next to an alleyway thoroughfare used by horse-drawn wagons. The man was sick of horses taking shits all over the walls and on the ground near his home and didn’t want to put up with any more horse-like bullshit. In response to the feces, he erected a house in between his own and his neighbor’s across the alley.

The home is  7 feet wide, 25 feet deep for a total of 325-square-foot spread out over two-stories. Its walls are still made from the neighboring homes’ exterior and still contain gouges from wagon-wheel hubs and horse ass. A family of three currently live there. Granted there may be homes smaller than this one, or in a crappier neighborhood, or perhaps buying a condo efficiency would be cheaper, but if I am going to live like I am on the bottom deck of a Carnival Celebration cruise boat I think I should at least get to live in a nice area and without condo fees.

According to Zillow.com this tiny house is worth approximately $292,000.

I can’t afford this price. FML.

Rob Dibble doesn’t work in baseball… even though he thinks he does. Once a feared pitcher and part of the Cincinnati Red’s “Nasty Boys” bullpen, Dibble seems to be more akin to participate in childish sandlot spats than doing his job as a baseball commentator for the Washington Nationals. In reality, Rob Dibble only works for the world of Rob Dibble.

Always quick to turn the situation to himself and highlight his career as a professional ballplayer, Dibble has become almost unbearable to listen to. If the conversation isn’t going Dibble’s way he will be the first to let you know that he’s not happy and bitch and moan for at least a few innings– so I am doing the same thing now. I have tried to like Dibble from the first exposure I had to him on Fox Sports. His direct and brash approach was an acceptable spice to a normal baseball coverage recipe, but when you give him 1/2 the spotlight the flavor just burns your nostrils.

I am not alone in this hate campaign either. Ever since Dibble took over for Don Sutton in the commentator’s booth at the start of the 2009 season I have watched as more and more writers have joined in this opinion. Although it is hard to put my finger on the exact reason for my animosity, I think it is a combination of Dibble’s unconvincing sincerity to the Nationals (and not to himself) and the uncontrollable anger that inevitably gets the best of him any time his boat is even remotely rocked. For now, it appears Dibble has settled in to an “understanding” with Bob Carpenter during the Nats’ broadcasts where his co-host knows just to stay clear of any kind of argument (let alone engaging conversation) with his color-man the entire broadcast. Speaking of color-man, cool purple shades Dibbs - I guess you never know when you might need to fight off glare when you are rocketing one past Steve Sax from the broadcast booth.

For me the real breaking point was last week: in perhaps the most disturbing display of his uncontrollable conniption-fits, Dibble got in to with his co-host Jody MacDonald on XM Radio’s The Show after a caller directly asked Dibble if he would have acted differently than Nats Manager Manny Acta in a questionable switch involving slugger Adam Dunn. Dibble was absolutely convinced that the caller was setting him up to second guess the Nats skipper - something he had been in hot water for earlier in the month. Instead of handling the situation like a professional and dismissing the caller as a potential heckler, Dibble ripped in to a calm and collected MacDonald as “not standing up” for his fellow man. Undertones of arrogance drenched Dibble’s microphone as he seemed to liken the situation to an on-field physical attack from an opposing batter who had rushed the mound. MacDonald pleaded with Dibble that the question may have been “legitimate” but Dibbs seemed determined to fester and whine about the caller for much of the show’s remaining hour. Since that afternoon The Show hasn’t seemed the same and I have noticed that MacDonald appears less frequently alongside Dibble. I hope that they aren’t trying to send off MacDonald, the bigger man in the whole situation, the same way they quietly said goodbye to Charlie Steiner (I think both men really connect well with baseball fans).

How did I miss this vote?

I will admit that Dibble is often times critical of the Nationals - and critical to a point that is necessary and refreshing for a team that is struggling to not only win games but also retain fans that may be yearning to hear someone close to the organization admit the club’s faults. I just can’t rationalize why Dibble then goes on the defensive as well, claiming that he is a part of the team and “we” as a “team” are doing “our” best to win and everyone should just back off the negative comments. If I didn’t know any better I would say this bicephalous behavior was the work of a control freak owner like Dan Snider wispering in his earpiece or that its just Dibble kicking and screaming when the situation isn’t focused enough on him.

In the end he may be one of only a select few pitchers to have stuck out 3 men in an inning using only 9 pitches - but it seems to me that all that remains of Rob Dibble is a nasty attitude.

Things get weird 1:30 in to the video…

On August 7th the Dulles Airport Chipotle location opens. This is great news to all of the passengers who will be flying on one of the airport’s 1,200 daily flights. However, there is a much more interesting aspect of this particular Chipotle thanks to its airport real estate - it has to serve breakfast.

Other staple franchises have found ways to accommodate this… For instance Quizno’s makes sub length toasted breakfast sandwiches for morning travelers. Five Guys lets you top one of their delicious burgers with fluffy scrambled eggs. Even Auntie Anne’s makes Bacon, Egg, & Cheese Pretzel Pockets.

We might be able to predict what Chipotle will do based upon what another burrito business has done to address the hunger pains of morning flyers. California Tortilla, located in concourse C, offers a variety of breakfast burritos, pop tarts,  yogurt, and even beer in the morning. This is not quite as revolutionary considering the variety of CT’s ever-changing menu compared to the staple and very few offerings made by its competitor Chipotle, a restaurant that prides itself on having a menu that hasn’t changed substantially in its 15+ years. Even later this summer when Chipotle unveils its “new” menu, the only major change is the addition of soup offerings.

Now, Chipotle is free to simply offer its tasty menu all-day and label it “breakfast” before 10:30 AM but something tells me that they will take a chance on placing an asterisk on the Dulles location and try using the grill for more than just Chicken and Steak. I know how a breakfast version of the overstuffed Chipotle burrito tastes and it’s heaven. One morning a few years back I brought with me a bag of scrambled eggs to the Tyson’s Corner location and they happily spooned them on to my steak burrito. The combination, paired with maple syrup and original Tabasco sauce, lived up to the wet dream of how I had imagined it would taste.

I have actually booked a flight leaving Dulles on August 7th (no not just because of this, but buying a 200-mile roundtrip ticket to Harrisburg just to find out what the menu board will reveal doesn’t seem crazy to me) and so I’ll find out opening day if “Breakfast Bacon and Sausage Burrito, Blackbeans” will be fair game when ordering Chipotle at 8:00AM.