In the spirit of March Madness, XM Radio MLB Home Plate channel 175’s “Baseball This Morning”  radio show created a bracket of the 64 best major league baseball position players over the past four decades. Rather than selecting regions for each pod they instead broke it down by decade (70’s, 80’s, 90’s, and this decade). On one level, I found the players included to be interesting enough to warrant this post but also the seeding to be even more interesting of an argument. Below you will find the opening brackets for this Polly Esther’s* of baseball greats:

Each morning the hosts of “Baseball This Morning” invite callers to argue match-ups and they decide who advances to the next round. Once all the voting and match-ups are complete I will upload the final bracket results. Go ahead and compare them to your miserable NCAA bracket - if you have more than 2 of the final four teams right now you are officially a fucking genius and winner of my pool.

UPDATE 4/3/09: The Baseball This Morning crew have completed the bracket of 64 position players (not without controversy and use of “announcer veto power” - which they ran out of before they could prevent the upset of Cal Jr. over Bonds but whatever). Here is the final bracket for your viewing enjoyment (image).

*Background Information About Obscure Reference: About 3 years ago Polly Esther’s nightclub closed in Washington DC, officially drying up the largest cougar sex lair in the city. Those unfamiliar with the establishment should know it was a 4-story dance club featuring a differently themed decade on each floor… with the decor, music, and often clientele all fitting the era to perfection.

Starting with the 2009-2010 academic year, the largest all-male residence hall on the East Coast will be going co-ed. Pritchard Hall, a place I called home just as 40,000 other men have since 1967, is bending to conform with the gender balance that is becoming a reality at Virginia Tech. The dorm is set to become 41% female, meaning 416 women will have to sleep in the same living spaces that once housed raunchy chronically masturbating sink-peeing freshman who did nothing else but fill their rooms with internet porn, blast early 90’s rap music and smoke pot between trips to Dietrick Express and the shitter. These women will travel everyday in elevators with walls which, at more than one time, have been coated in a base layer and top coats of male piss, they will shower in stalls that have been decorated in feces for no apparent reason, and they will study in lounges that were once used for playful and drunk (but probably almost rape-worthy) sexual acts with women too far from being called one of God’s creatures to dare to bring back to a judgmental roommate.

In my day, finding a girl in Pritchard after 9pm was like releasing bloody chum in shark infested waters. At even the hint of a female on one of the eight floors, heads would poke out of dorm rooms, sniffing, for a moment putting aside Napster downloads, 2 player Tony Hawk games, and Big Lebowski DVD viewing to catch a glimpse of perhaps a painted toenail or anything that didn’t resemble the male form. The heads murmuring through clenched teeth “vagina?”

Starting in the Fall, women will be more than just an occasional echoing laugh from down a bright white cinder block corridor, more than a brave soul traveling to that one female bathroom stall on the first floor by the cage-protected vending machines, and more than someone who runs to and from the showers with her boyfriend’s loofah, wearing Adidas flip flops, clapping along the floor at 10 a.m. on a Saturday morning. Any woman who spent more than 10 nights a year in Pritchard Hall was certifiably a slut - but now will be simply be a potential slut. I hope for their sake these women enjoy watching hardcore porn being projected on to a bed sheet hung from two windows in the pit.

The World Baseball Classic, a forthcoming opening day, fantasy baseball - its a great time to be alive with an Internet connection. With the influx of baseball happiness (I have submitted several Dic Tailgate posts over the years that say my life is 10% happier during the baseball season) so too comes my hatred for the New York Yankees.

The other night USA had a comeback win in the World Baseball Classic over Puerto Rico which was so exciting that I think that America may finally buy in to the tournament for years to come. Here is the bottom of the ninth play-by-play: S. Victorino singled to right, B. Roberts singled to center, D. Jeter lined out to right, B. Roberts stole second, K. Youkilis walked, D. Wright walk off hit. That’s right, thanks Mr. Clutch, Derek Jeter you contributed nothing but an out — but apparently that wasn’t enough. The USA team mobbed Red Sox infielder Kevin Youkilis in the walk off celebration and apparently “someone jumped down” on Youk’s foot causing him to injure it enough to force his return to Red Sox camp and put him in a walking boot for the next week. Well note the picture to the left — can you guess what happened next? Is this the only way the Yankees can recapture the AL East pennant?

And then you have ARod - he’s recovering from surgery and he’s full of steroids. They say his recovery is going well and he is on pace to return in 8-10 weeks. My question is: how is dry humping one’s own mirror reflection considered a healing activity for anything other than one’s ego. Apparently ARod loves looking at nothing more than ARod when he works out. Though, I guess if I was getting paid $3,200 an hour I would probably have a hard-on for myself as well. Actually, I don’t blame him anymore.

But still fuck the Yankees … and welcome back baseball.

…

A few college football predictions have been slowly seeping out around the edges of the college basketball season. (Caveat to all the people who would otherwise freak out: these predictions obviously mean next to nothing since it is the middle of the off-season, and there is almost no reason to put faith in to BS some guy just thinks up to meet an article deadline, and we have no clue what will happen any week in college football so I am not saying any of this will  come true). Nevertheless here’s a few “predictions” you may find interesting…

ESPN Magazine’s Bruce Feldman lists ten teams he believes can win a National Title within the next five years:

“#2 Va. Tech: Frank Beamer had a very young team in 2008 and it still won 10 games. The Hokies are dangerous and the time might be ideal to make a title run now as the ACC seems to be growing up. Quarterback Tyrod Taylor is talented but still raw as a passer. His young receivers still need polish although TB Darren Evans is coming off a 1,265-yard rookie season and he’ll make things easier for everyone. You know as long as DC Bud Foster is around the Hokies will be salty on defense, but the vaunted special-teams units need to get back to form after having a very down season.”

In 25 predictions for 2009 ESPN’s Mark Schlabach gives the Hokies a couple good foodball plausabilities:

“# 6. Virginia Tech will beat Alabama to start the season The Hokies will open the 2009 season by upsetting Alabama in Atlanta’s Georgia Dome. The Hokies were one of the country’s youngest teams in 2008, and quarterback Tyrod Taylor and tailback Darren Evans will lead an improved offense. After beating Alabama, Nebraska and East Carolina, the Hokies will be legitimate national-championship contenders.” Note: At the time this article was written ECU was our 4th game of the season, it has now become a Thursday night game in November.

There are a couple bowl projection sites who believe they can throw shit at the wall pick the 2010 BCS Bowl participants:

“2010 Orange Bowl: Virginia Tech vs South Florida is one site’s projection. 2010 Orange Bowl: Virginia Tech vs Oklahoma is the other site’s pick.” And both sites project that Florida State will lock up an at-large bid to a BCS game in addition to VT’s automatic bid, probably because we don’t have to play them in the regular season this year.

And as I head to Vegas I think it is worth noting:

“Virginia Tech’s Current Sportsbook Odds To Win 2010 BCS Championship Game: 1/20” Which places the Hokies tied with 6th for best odds (behind Florida, Oklahoma, USC, OSU, and Texas) at this point in the off-season.

And somewhat unrelated: Seth Greenberg said he was “shocked and disappointed” after he learned that University of Virginia coach Dave Leitao agreed to resign - I am shocked and disappointed too - I was getting used to UVA being terrible at both basketball and football and this may mix things up.

… in their favor.

Sure, FSU mashed our hopes of a .500 regular season ACC record on Sunday, but do those Seminole cheaters remember one of the “most amazing” victories in the history of college basketball?

Incidentally,  the ACC history books will now show that the Seminoles haven’t been able to beat Duke in football in almost three years

Losing six of our last seven games hasn’t put the Hokies out of the tournament …and I am not insinuating that the team will win the ACC tournament and get an automatic bid either. #8 Virginia Tech takes on #9 Miami in the ACC Tournament opener on Thursday. A win over Miami wouldn’t impress anyone but it would set the Hokies up against #1 UNC , winners of the past two tournaments, and give one final long ball to convince the voters that VT belongs.

ESPN and CBS still have VT on the bubble radar, mainly because most of our end-of-the-season loses came against decent RPI ranked teams that are considered locks for the tournament. With a (major) upset the Hokies can steal back in to the tournament with a resume touting UNC along with road wins against Wake and Clemson.

What are the chances? Not good, even for round one. Betting sites give the Hokies a 41.37% chance of surviving against Miami, and a 5.72% chance of following that up with a win over UNC (and if you are curious a 2.03% chance of making it to the final round with 0.57% of winning it all) – of course these odds would change with every game and team elimination as well. If the 94.28% situation does occur I refuse to make any posts regarding the NIT seeding, games, or results.

The Nationals have updated their mascot, Screech, for 2009. Though many people say they don’t see a difference in the costumes I couldn’t disagree more.

The old costume looked like it was made in the 1920’s as some kind of depression-era breadline propaganda - it was tattered, smelled like eggs, and was faded a dingy color of shit.  The old Screech was also an insufferable fatass, which isn’t helping the image of a team with a largely mediocre-looking fan base. The new Screech however is hip, athletically slender (Obama-like in fact), and his colors shine like he has been freshly Oxycleaned. It also appears that Screech is now officially male, something we were uncertain of with the Mother Hen complex of the old costume. Perhaps also important to note is that the new Screech has donned a happier expression and sports a much wider and larger open mouth than the old one, presumably this is so the bird can suck all the other 29 MLB teams’ cocks at the same time.

Now THAT is a major league baseball costume suited for a last place franchise.

Saturday’s Duke game was a let down - there was a definite sense that the team was pulling together in the second half and once the score was tied at 58 there was even a small glimmer of hope for some Hokie magic. But then, of course, ABC couldn’t help themselves from showing the ever increasing montage reel of our last-second basketball losses and depressing close game winning percentages and sure enough before you knew it Duke was at the free throw line sealing their win. I think I feel most bad for the Hokie sitting next to me at the bar who put money on Virginia Tech to win (they were given 6 points).

So then what can we expect this Wednesday when Virginia Tech hosts conference leader UNC?

I feel as though we have had a two-face offense all season that can go from efficient and productive to cold and poorly timed for no apparent reason. Its not that our team becomes explosive at times and is just lackluster at others, it simply falls apart. The moment our timing is switched buckets begin to fall off, we take silly shots, and have embarrassing turnovers. At that point I start screaming “slow down!” (or sometimes “hurry up!”) but I think on Wednesday I am going to scream for a time out instead. Seth should look to stop the team WHENEVER this ugly timing problem creeps in. I’d rather blow a preemptive time out and have a breather when things look like they are turning sour. Like when Clemson pulled off the press in the second half of the crushing defeat on January 29th — we waited too long to stop the game and regroup over what wasn’t working when Clemson had changed its pace.

Joe Lunardi was on ESPN Radio this afternoon fielding questions about the NCAA tournament and all the bubble teams out there. Joe rightfully predicts there is no place in the NCAA tournament for a sub .500 ACC team and the Hokies can only lock up a spot in March with a win over UNC this Wednesday (unless I suppose there is a great VT showing in the ACC tournament combined with a win over FSU). So we are down to this… the typical Disney movie climax pitting the little guy up against Goliath for all the glory. The Duke game (I hope) showed the team and home crowd that we can play to win and since it is the last home game of the season (ignoring any trip to NIT crapville) it should bring plenty of emotion from ALL of Cassell.

One big benefit that I believe contributed to our win over Wake Forest once again exists for VT this week: UNC’s final game of the year, the game following VT, is against Duke. First, UNC is coming off a gloating win over bottom feeding Georgia Tech. Second, its f’ing UNC vs. Duke - with all the rivalry implications, emotion, media coverage, and a battle over the top seed in the ACC (and bragging rights) on the line, those Tarheels might just being looking too far ahead and end up with a nasty little surprise from VT… It just depends which team plays for all those 40 minutes.