Sure its a recession and holiday shoppers have really cut back on their spending but its not too much to ask for a few things under our Hokies Christmas Tree.

• The Stocking - your stocking is filled with little tidbits that just make getting to what’s under the tree the main event so whats more fitting than asking for a handful of inner-conference Basketball wins. Given our difficult start to the season we need at least 10 ACC wins to have any shot at the NCAA tournament. These wins can come at home or away, I won’t care, but I would really love to see some Blue Devil tears at Cassel on February 28th.

• The Homemade Gift - so the macaroni didn’t spell your name out completely and for some reason you were drawn with big red wolverine claws but its the thought that counts, right? This year my homemade-cost-a-penny gift is that I want to hear more accountability from our coaching staff if things continue to suffer offensively. If things are going badly I don’t want you to coddle me it in soft statistics like how we could have 10 wins this season and only USC and Texas have as many consecutive double digit win seasons - flat out tell us that we deserve better and if things don’t change on the grass then its going to change in the office. I think in 2009 I would like to avoid eating more dogshit. Oh, and a commit to play from Tajh Boyd wouldn’t cost much either and would be pretty swell.

• The You-Are-So-Behind Gift - Yeah it would be cool to get a Gameboy game if you weren’t already playing on the Gameboy Color asshole, next time ask Babage’s opinion. These impossible to avoid razor-scooter-two-years-after-the-craze gifts usually come from an out-of-touch relative that really do mean well but you would really rather they had planted such a surprise back when it would have been the talk of the cul-de-sac. This year I want a reliable sole starting quaterback behind center- combined with a good mixture of offensive play calling - consider it the Bryan Randall of 2008 (there is a reason he is the only jersey I wear).

• The BIG Gift - you know every year you looked forward to one BIG gift under the tree be it a mountain bike, a Super Nintendo, or Mark Teixeira. Well this year, in a sign of understanding of the financial woes we all live in, I just want something that is relatively small and easy but would mean the world to me - that’s right all I want is one simple BCS Bowl game win. We are 7-14 overall in bowl games (good for a 55th best in NCAA rankings) and we are a fat 0-3 in BCS bowl games. Right now, we have Cincinnati teed-up high for a great old school Big East versus new school Big East match-up and I have had to endure witnessing 3 BCS loses from the stands… all I want for Christmas is for that trend to end.

• The Pony - This is the gift you ask for because your too shitforbrains to realize Stealth Bombers aren’t available at Costco. I would love to have a Head-Coach-In-Waiting position for Bud Foster and a job at Radford for Stinespring. Honestly I don’t see this happening in 2009 but you never know, there always was at least one asshole at your school who rode to school on January 2nd in a dune buggy.

I don’t know what I will find under-the-tree/beside-the-menorah-oils this year, but if any of these presents show up it will be the best Christmas morning ever… well since Playstation in ‘94. Oh and Stinespring - don’t you dare leave a pair of wool socks and homemade fruitcake for us on the 1st or we’re so toilet papering your house on our first snowday.