Michael Vick has told reporters that he “plans” to return to professional football upon his release from Prison next June or July. It is uncertain what team would be willing to take a risk on Vick, let alone what position he would play since he has been off the field and only catching balls for the past two seasons. Vick does claim that he has been keeping in physical shape while he’s been behind bars and feels that the entire (going to prison and becoming broke) ordeal has given him more balance and a more mature mindset, which he believes will help in a return to professional athletics.

I believe Vick will find a home for the league minimum as a back-up or special teams player on some crazy ass team who knows that just his name will kick up some dust and get the team stores to start moving a decent number of #7 “Mexico” jerseys. Regardless, I think Vick will have to face the media directly to apologize and state his intentions before attempting to rejoin the NFL especially if wants to minimize the negative press that will surely come along with his name… and I will assume that his first snap will come with a ton of boos -boos that will continue through the rest of his career- which may be enough to keep him from ever really being accepted by any team in the nation.

Granted he also needs the money. Vick currently works at his prison in Kansas making 12 cents an hour. For the month of October, 2008 he reported a total income of $12.89. Compare that to 2006 when he made $15 million.He has lost his homes, his businesses, his sweet dog fighting operation (oh wait) and he owes back taxes and damages that exceed his current wealth. Without a professional football salary who knows how he will support his mother and deadbeat brother but he may be set as an oenologist…

By far the strangest thing to result from Vick’s Bad Newz Kennels woes is the creation of Vicktory Wine Vineyards, a winery which has started on the farming plantation that Vick’s old dogs now live out their days with a team of veterinarians who have been attempting to remove the thirst for baby blood from the dogs’ minds. At a cost of nearly 1 millon dollars, paid by Vick, his former prize-fighter dogs not only get to enjoy the fruits of retirement but they have their pictures painted on bottles of red and white wine which is set to hit store shelves in local wine shops at a cost of $40 a bottle. The pictures have depicted the dogs in a much more gentle light after the more photorealistic paintings of the dogs tested poorly in marketing studies.

If the wine tastes half as evil as the dogs painted on the bottle I will be surprised, but at $40 bucks a pop maybe M.V. has a future in philanthropic food sales, kind of like Paul Newman. If not, there’s always arena football on Versus.