Comcast is getting its sponsorship money’s worth for the Battle of The Commonwealth Cup this year as VT “tolerates” UVA down at Lane Stadium on Saturday. The game is significant to both teams beyond the usual bragging rights between the only two 1A teams in Virginia - UVA, who looks more like a concoction by Dr. Jekyll this season, needs a win to secure bowl eligibility and a win for Virginia Tech means the Hokies will have their unlikely path complete to play in Tampa next week for the ACC Championship.

If you recall UVA looked like the worst team in the ACC, maybe even the country, after losing a miserable game to Duke 31-3 back in Mid-September. Somehow however the Cavaliers bounced back in October by beating Maryland, UNC, GT, and our favorite new friend, ECU. However in November UVA has exhibited a transformation back the other direction  starting with an overtime loss to Miami and leading up to last week’s yawnfest against Clemson. Perhaps the Cavaliers have had their eyes set on the VT game all month? Perhaps they just haven’t been playing to their potential. Or perhaps they ran out of Uncle Groh’s “Special Secret Serum.”

UVA does throw the ball well (for an ACC team) and hardly ever accomplishes anything with the rush -however in their last two games it hasn’t been good to trust the ball in the hands of Virginia’s QB Marc Verica. Verica tossed 6 INT between  against Wake and Clemson (45 and 39 attempts respectively) and I would be surprised if they take as many shots in the air come Saturday with Macho Harris lurking in the secondary. Of course UVA will be stuck picking either Harris or Bud Foster’s (perhaps last regular season) well-disciplined pass rush. UVA protects its young quarterback well, allowing few hits and even fewer sacks on the rookie. Defensively UVA is decent all-around without having any particular weaknesses but also without any really impressive numbers worth sharing.

I think everything goes out the window on Saturday though. Not because its a rivalry, not because UVA has shown sparkles of greatness and also stenches of shit, not even because the Hokies have handled the ‘Hoos well in the past 4 meetings to a tune of 126-45 but because we have no idea what team the Hokies will put out there offensively… The Hokies have only managed to score 3 offensive touchdowns in the past 3 games. We as Hokie fans have once again have found ourselves in a place where we watch our defense starry eyed and hopeful while whispering “pick six, please pick six.” If we need to rely on the “taint” from our defense and forced turnovers and interceptions to score points we can’t guarantee anything, no matter who we are playing. I won’t even mention the “S-word” in this post but we better have a game plan together on how we are going to attack offensively otherwise this has the makings of “Duke II”. I have faith in what our defense has done all year and I expect nothing different on Saturday but we need to have some confidence in our offense if we want our tickets stamped to get to Tampa in December.

Open one up (pour some out for Peter Lalich at Oregon State) and drink it down fast, because its going to be a cold one out there on Saturday. Score Prediction: Virginia Tech 24, Virginia 9

Always remember there are no shortcuts when preparing food for your Thanksgiving Feast. Let Lil’ Jon and Erin E. Surance’s little cousin help you to follow the recipe by-the-book with this clever little jingle…

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• Virginia Tech Men’s Basketball will be flying back from Puerto Rico with their first two games in the loss column thanks in part to a miracle half court shot that crushed the Hokies in a semi-final game against Xavier. Xavier is a decent team with similar expectations this season as the Hokies. The two teams played tough throughout the entire regulation and held close in the first overtime when Jeff Allen gave the Hokies a 2 point lead with 1.9 seconds to go. In what has become a seasonal tradition for the Hokies, the win was ripped from their hands in a last milisecond desperation half court shot by Xavier’s Dante Jackson which banked in for the unlikely win, allowing Xavier to go on and beat Memphis in the finals. I suppose the only silver lining to this heartbreak is that happened early on in the season as opposed to in the thick of the ACC schedule against … oh say #1 ranked Duke.

   

• On Sunday the ACC finally released kickoff times for the final games of the season. The Hokies were given the old and faithful noon kickoff slot, again hampering fans from consuming too much alcohol and helping stimulate hospitality services in Blacksburg and Christiansburg by tying us up in staying two nights to enjoy the game. I understand they wanted to have the two decisive ACC games at different time slots but noon? At least give us the 3:30 kickoff and give Boston College/Maryland the 7 o’clock start time. Sadly, I think the weak draw ACC had to bend to the Vanderbilt at Wake Forest game on ESPNU which is the only ACC game set for an SEC-friendly 7pm.

   

• My high school Football team has gone flawless in the Northern Region of Virginia to win its third Regional title since 2002. The Oakton Cougars (13-0) executed to perfection on Saturday afternoon, scoring on every possession of the opening half and limiting our arch rivals Chantilly Chargers to only two scores in a 52-14 win. Oakton will play Newport News Boys Penitentiary For The Mentally Insane in the state championship on Christmas Day. I mention this accomplishment only because I wonder if Oakton’s offensive coordinator could have come up with a way to score more than ONE single time against Duke on Saturday. I say give the guy a chance, he was also my Physics AP teacher.

The only thing cool about Duke is that you have to use it when talking about Duke Nukem 3D. This game wasn’t my focus this week (see GT/Miami post). Either way I hope we can make this kid cry again.

Score Prediction: Virginia Tech 27, Duke 7

Why would we preview Thursday night’sMiami/GT matchup in Atlanta? Well believe it or not, the Hokies are not eliminated from going to the ACC Championship game but the first crucial step is to have Georgia Tech upset Miami.

Basically the ACC has a bunch of tie-breaker rules and if GT can spoil the Canes on Thursday and then the Hokies win out against the Dookies and UVA they will (surprisingly) hold tiebreakers against all the remaining teams in the conference. If Miami beats Georgia Tech on Thursday, the Hokies will be eliminated. Because of key wins earlier in the season, Virginia Tech would win a head-to-head tie over Georgia Tech and UNC. They would also win three-way ties over Georgia Tech and UNC, and Georgia Tech and Miami and in the event of a four-way tie, VT wins over Georgia Tech, Miami and UNC. We should point out that none of this would have been possible if Maryland had lost on Saturday - so, thanks you Jersey toolboxes, you did something right.

So can Georgia Tech help us out and reopen the door to Tampa? Well Miami wasn’t particularly fantastic against Virginia Tech and they did have home field advantage in the win. The Hokies also contributed to their own demise with poor O-line protection and (once again) questionable offensive play calling from upstairs. Georgia Tech on the other hand uses the word “engineer” in their fight song:

I’m a Ramblin’ Wreck from Georgia Tech and a hell of an engineer,
A helluva, helluva, helluva, helluva, hell of an engineer,
Like all the jolly good fellows, I drink my whiskey clear,
I’m a Ramblin’ Wreck from Georgia Tech and a hell of an engineer.
Oh, if I had a daughter, sir, I’d dress her in White and Gold,
And put her on the campus, to cheer the brave and bold.
But if I had a son, sir, I’ll tell you what he’d do.
He would yell, “To Hell with Georgia,” like his daddy used to do.
Oh, I wish I had a barrel of rum and sugar three thousand pounds,
A college bell to put it in and a clapper to stir it around.
I’d drink to all good fellows who come from far and near.
I’m a ramblin’, gamblin’, hell of an engineer.

In all, Georgia Tech has never pissed me off as a school or athletic program and their fans were actually really nice to us when we went down to see the huge comeback in 2004, Georgia Tech also played a decent prank stealing our jerseys last year, and their “dumdumdumdumdum Goooo Jaaaccckkk-etttsss” has been stuck in my head for over 4 years. I’d say with all that going for them they have a good shot at this upset.

Score Prediction: Miami 14, Georgia Tech 25

Michael Vick has told reporters that he “plans” to return to professional football upon his release from Prison next June or July. It is uncertain what team would be willing to take a risk on Vick, let alone what position he would play since he has been off the field and only catching balls for the past two seasons. Vick does claim that he has been keeping in physical shape while he’s been behind bars and feels that the entire (going to prison and becoming broke) ordeal has given him more balance and a more mature mindset, which he believes will help in a return to professional athletics.

I believe Vick will find a home for the league minimum as a back-up or special teams player on some crazy ass team who knows that just his name will kick up some dust and get the team stores to start moving a decent number of #7 “Mexico” jerseys. Regardless, I think Vick will have to face the media directly to apologize and state his intentions before attempting to rejoin the NFL especially if wants to minimize the negative press that will surely come along with his name… and I will assume that his first snap will come with a ton of boos -boos that will continue through the rest of his career- which may be enough to keep him from ever really being accepted by any team in the nation.

Granted he also needs the money. Vick currently works at his prison in Kansas making 12 cents an hour. For the month of October, 2008 he reported a total income of $12.89. Compare that to 2006 when he made $15 million.He has lost his homes, his businesses, his sweet dog fighting operation (oh wait) and he owes back taxes and damages that exceed his current wealth. Without a professional football salary who knows how he will support his mother and deadbeat brother but he may be set as an oenologist…

By far the strangest thing to result from Vick’s Bad Newz Kennels woes is the creation of Vicktory Wine Vineyards, a winery which has started on the farming plantation that Vick’s old dogs now live out their days with a team of veterinarians who have been attempting to remove the thirst for baby blood from the dogs’ minds. At a cost of nearly 1 millon dollars, paid by Vick, his former prize-fighter dogs not only get to enjoy the fruits of retirement but they have their pictures painted on bottles of red and white wine which is set to hit store shelves in local wine shops at a cost of $40 a bottle. The pictures have depicted the dogs in a much more gentle light after the more photorealistic paintings of the dogs tested poorly in marketing studies.

If the wine tastes half as evil as the dogs painted on the bottle I will be surprised, but at $40 bucks a pop maybe M.V. has a future in philanthropic food sales, kind of like Paul Newman. If not, there’s always arena football on Versus.

In the off-chance that one of the 14 people who visit this blog each day is Bud Foster I wanted to show you something I made for you.

Please don’t go to that dump of a school in South Carolina. Its where happiness and science go to die.

UPDATE: I forgot about this quote- “I’d be……stupid” not to be interested, Foster said. “You guys have all asked me for the last five years, six years. Who wouldn’t be (interested)? …… That’d be one I’d be jumping through hoops to try to get. ” Bud Foster on the Clemson job, Oct 15, 2008

UPDATE 12/3: Well now that Clemson is taken care of we have to look at other schools. Bud said he wouldn’t take any vacancy at Syracuse and New Mexico State isn’t in a major BCS conference so he wouldn’t want that either. We are safe for now. Foster, talking about the Clemson hiring, went on to say “I was flattered and honored they considered me, but sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn’t. I’m not going to lose sleep over it. I’ve got a great job [at Virginia Tech].” We want you to stay in that great job, Bud.

Miami is one of those places people think they like until they actually visit. When people get to Miami they look around like they just reached the exit to Ripley’s Believe or Not! Museum and then say to themselves “Thats it?”. Yes asshole, you paid 20 bucks for a piece of dogshit because the brochure looked nice. Miami is a sweaty armpit of Florida, and twisted up like a ball of lint in the scratchy underarm hairs of the city is the University of Miami.

Virginia Tech’s rivalry with Miami is young but bitter with each school going back and forth crushing one another’s bowl hopes with alternating defeats at their opponent’s fields. But, perhaps unlike most other times the two teams meet, this Thursday is a must-win for both teams. This year we don’t have the usual: one good team and one scrappy underdog; we have two teams that are walking the razor’s edge to get in to the ACC championship game. Looking at Miami’s performance so far this year, they lost a couple games early on before settling in to scrape together some good wins in the ACC, most recently an overtime win over UVA. Though their consistency can be applauded, they haven’t necessarily been dominating in any one game and look nothing like the fierce and explosive teams of Miami’s past. They’re offense is similar to the Hokies in performance when comparing points scored and yards gained but (as has been pointed out by some analysts) Miami really struggles against tough defenses - which is one thing we can (kind of) hang our hats on this season as we are the #19 ranked defense in the nation. Unfortunately Miami’s defense is just as good.

Other Factors: Miami’s offense isn’t much more potent than ours, though the Hokies did have a nice shot to their system with last week’s offensive breakout in the form of a 400+ yard game thanks to Rookie Evans, a.k.a. Jeff Butt’s Best Man and we shall see if it carries over to this week. Finally, we can look to history as a factor which is on our sides as Virginia Tech  generally puts on a strong performance for Thursday Night Football.

The key here is that we maintain a solid attack on offense and don’t flip flop strategies going through the game. Miami doesn’t appear to be very dynamic and if we play Foster Ball we should be able to hold down scoring from the Hurricanes to a manageable number. Miami’s will isn’t what it used to be so I don’t think we will see an all out slug match like we would expect four or five years ago - but both teams know that this game is the crucial link to get to Tampa (yes, I know, no more Jacksonville) for the ACC Championship and a hopeful chance to make it to a BCS bowl.

Score Prediction: Virginia Tech 31, Miami 17

Fuck Maryland.

Score Prediction: Virginia Tech 30, Maryland 3

75% of visitors to Dic Tailgate are from “battleground” states (er commonwealths) of Virginia and Pennsylvania. On Tuesday get out and vote damn it, because I don’t want to have to move to America’s hat, Canada.

How bizarre is that? Oh yeah, and bring a book - its gunna take a while to have your vote changed by a faulty voting machine.