So I broke down and bought the last known case of Endurance Vitamin Water on the planet. I’m not certain its the last case, but the four previous orders I made from here, here, here and here all came back “canceled due to insufficient stock”. I found the unofficial last case of Endurance from a wine store on Amazon that had a one-star rating. They stated they had mixers of every known variety and promised to track down any beverage for your mixing needs. So I figured either they were true to their word and they indeed had a time machine that could go back to 2007 or they were just going to write “Endurence” on 24 bottles of Clearly Canadian. Sure I paid 50 bucks for it, but what’s 50 bucks in a mountain of debt? Although Coca-Cola sources say Endurance will be returning to markets soon, it apparently will be released as a whole new flavor (meaning tons more sugar to appeal to the masses) and so I don’t want a dozen MMS messages of images of Endurance at Giant going for 1.25 a bottle in three months -its not the same stuff. Once I’m done drinking all two dozen of my discontinued brethren I’m sure I will have wished I spent my money on this instead.

In the meantime I plan to sit in the darkness of my basement cedar closet on top of my mountain of Endurance with a loaded rifle and no shirt on to protect my bounty until they come for it. Who you ask? Oh trust me… you’ll see…. you’ll see.