Baseball is back (well almost). It is no exaggeration that I am 10% happier during the baseball season. Having a regular influx of statistics and sports adds some level of stability to my life and the wait for opening day is coming to an end.

It only helps the cause that from the end of NFL playoffs until MLB first pitch there are absolutely no sports worth observing. Sure there is the occasional NCAA game and watching tournament berths unfold but this is no different than getting that tasty bread at Outback, which you fucking devour in six seconds and then go on to piss and moan about where your cheese fries and steak are. And maybe you can say NBA basketball – but just about every team has a superstar starter, and almost everyone makes it to the post season- which lasts months anyway. It’s like having a kindergarten class of 30 play musical chairs only there are 25 chairs, and 2 of the kids are mentally retarded, one has a torn ACL, and the other two are from cities no one could give a shit about. Hockey? I have yet to develop the tolerance to understand the rules to even address Hockey. Arena Football is actually pretty sweet because the fans can steal the ball from players and it’s legal – but still it’s like masturbating with a cast on until your girlfriend comes back from a six-month vacation.

Baseball is regularity. It is a comfort. It is knowing that almost every day you can turn to the sports section or get on ESPN.com and drown yourself in a thick pool of statistics and game results. Then of course there is fantasy baseball, which I believe is something like scientology mixed with Ken Griffey’s SNES baseball game. It is an obsession that can ruin a lovely dinner date (e.g. “Swain’s pitcher threw 8 shutout innings… and I dropped that guy in week 3….GRAAAA! No, I don’t want any fucking crème brulee – lets go home so I can sleep in my jeans and stare at the ceiling”). Fantasy baseball is a passion that goes so well with “real life” baseball that the two now seem analogous in my mind and I care equally as much about my imaginary playoffs as the real thing. And don’t even get me started on Yahoo!’s StatTracker… I don’t understand why the Internet wasn’t invented sooner to accomplish such a magnificent achievement in sports and technology. It is the greatest advancement since the ball in sports and math in technology.

Yes… the wait is over and its time to get 110% as drunk in celebration.