The Prize Inside Never Mattered
Taking a walk down the cereal aisle leaves me wishing I could be back in 1989. Of my three favorite cereals none have survived to this day - while somehow pieces of shit like Honey Combs, Grapenuts and Smor’z seem to deserve everlasting shelf space.
So with that I have to provide you with a blast from my cereal past and my three favorite and deeply missed bowls:
#3: Berry Berry Kix (last sold in 2003)
This cereal took what was amazing about kid-tested mother-approved Kix cereal and improved upon it, which is like taking Super Nintendo and giving it three vaginas. Still I have to think looking back on the commercials there is something terrifying about them, maybe because all PG13 horror movies now feature little kids who creep out of the darkness and suddenly loose their eyes and shriek in to the screen.
#2: Triples (discontinued by law in 1991)
This cereal had three different cereals in one. It was like when Chex combined all their cereals in one but left out that shitty dark brown flavor. It was part Rice Crispies, part Kix, and as the commercials show part Atonic Seizure. Check out the video (before YouTube removes it again) and notice the fun the soundboard operator had adding unnecessary effects.
#1: Ice Cream Cones - Vanilla Flavor (bankrupt in 1990)
This was the greatest contribution to the dessert-for-breakfast-cereal line. It shat all over Cookie Crisp and would have taken Reece’s Puffs out back and shot it in the legs. Perhaps the only thing more amazing would be if Bonkers had a cereal which you ate with a spoon shaped Fun Dip stick. Ice Cream Jones would later end up on Nightline’s To Catch a Predator: Phoenix.
Wow, I’ve never even heard of Ice Cream Cone cereal and it looks amazing. Wonder if I can find a 20 year old box of it on eBay….
I always hated having to look at the side of the cereal box when we rotated. At least Lucky Charms had some interesting Nutritional Values.
Btw, dont forget Cinnamon Toast Crunch. It’s a good thing all your teeth are veneer otherwise they would have fallen out by now!
HAHAH awww I was going to mention our box rotation schema. The nutrition facts were the worst! Remember I used to protect my bowl like I was in prison and hadn’t eaten in weeks? CTC was good stuff too - at least that made it through the great cereal wars of 1992,
I had to take a picture so nobody would question my honest. Right there in the Giant positioned between the regular Kix and the Golden Grahams was the the long lost Berry Berry Kix. Now maybe that communist state of Virginia got rid of them but here in the home of Club190 the Berry Berry Kix are still proudly displayed.
http://i27.tinypic.com/2ir244h.jpg
cum taste my cone
Wow Hurst - first Pudding Pies and now BBKix? Thats awesome (unless that shit expired 4 years ago).
I wonder if I should bitch about the disappearances of Surge, Dunkaroos, The Arch Deluxe, and generally being funny from my life.
I miss Dunkaroos and Surge too. I’ll have to see if Delaware still carries dunkaroos (I’ll buy them even if they’re expired).
I think Erotic Photo Hunt borrowed their sound effects from the Triples commercial…I always thought it was odd that rice crispies reminded me of lop sided boobs and missing nipples…