Taking a walk down the cereal aisle leaves me wishing I could be back in 1989. Of my three favorite cereals none have survived to this day - while somehow pieces of shit like Honey Combs, Grapenuts and Smor’z seem to deserve everlasting shelf space.

So with that I have to provide you with a blast from my cereal past and my three favorite and deeply missed bowls:

#3: Berry Berry Kix (last sold in 2003)
This cereal took what was amazing about kid-tested mother-approved Kix cereal and improved upon it, which is like taking Super Nintendo and giving it three vaginas. Still I have to think looking back on the commercials there is something terrifying about them, maybe because all PG13 horror movies now feature little kids who creep out of the darkness and suddenly loose their eyes and shriek in to the screen.

#2: Triples (discontinued by law in 1991)
This cereal had three different cereals in one. It was like when Chex combined all their cereals in one but left out that shitty dark brown flavor. It was part Rice Crispies, part Kix, and as the commercials show part Atonic Seizure. Check out the video (before YouTube removes it again) and notice the fun the soundboard operator had adding unnecessary effects.

#1: Ice Cream Cones - Vanilla Flavor (bankrupt in 1990)
This was the greatest contribution to the dessert-for-breakfast-cereal line. It shat all over Cookie Crisp and would have taken Reece’s Puffs out back and shot it in the legs. Perhaps the only thing more amazing would be if Bonkers had a cereal which you ate with a spoon shaped Fun Dip stick. Ice Cream Jones would later end up on Nightline’s To Catch a Predator: Phoenix.

We all know Deron Washington and his great acting skills. He has been seen on more than a few thousand occasions flopping like a fish when touched by an opposing player after a whistle, and some of his rehearsed performances rise to what would get a red card in a European soccer match. Combine this with the fact that he has no problem sucker punching players and has even been seen sneaking in to huddled conversations of the opponent while on the court and you can see how he may be making a name for himself among coaches and refs. The rumor is he recently cut his hair because after the Duke game ACC officials told Coach Seth Greenburg that they “know his tricks” and aren’t falling for his “flailing arm tumbles” anymore. No joke. Coach Greenburg relayed the information to Deron who was working on his monologues and watching (WWF) film in the locker room.

Apparently rather than change his tactics or transfer to Juilliard, Deron decided to make himself less identifiable as the great method actor of the Hokies basketball team. Right then and there he shaved his once long and quite signature dreadlocks. He also thought about donning a bowler cap and wax lips but Vassallo backed him down with a “too much man, too much.”

Did it work? The Hokies were able to top UVA in overtime following Deron’s change of costume … but ACC officials have clearly caught on that this is just new-look Deron with the same old tricks as VT has slid down in the ACC by losing their last two games, one of which at home to Miami. Deron, who clearly has no problem with the words of his critics, is back polishing his art, flipping end over end when players tap him on the shoulder to let them know hes been substituted.

Although there may not be much in way of an acting career for the senior forward, I think that he is still one of the greatest players to watch in Cassell, or any arena for that matter. Granted, it is pretty absurd when he goes off on one of his thespian voyages to technical foul land, but he always finds a way to make up for it… like when he hurdles Greg Paulus twice in one game. I found this mixtape, which I think Deron made himself and will be sending out to studios at the end of this season.

Long hair or short hair I think hes the only way we will get to walk down the red carpet in March (and lose to Oral Roberts in the first round). Right now Virginia Tech is sitting on the bubble and needs to put together at least 3, possibly 4 wins, in the last 6 games of the season. If we can take care of business at home against Wake, BC, and Georgia Tech I think there will be enough of an argument to let us in come the tournament.

The envelope please…