It doesn’t matter what happened in the Big 10/ACC Challenge game - Penn State cannot compete with Virginia Tech where it counts. I had the “hardest” drink at Penn State tonight - known as a Monkey Boy. Granted, this pitcher-sized drink was chock-full of alcohol goodness and even used brands of liquor I had heard of, but my liver knows a true combatant when it sees one and nothing in this world can touch the (originial) Rail from TOTS. The Rail reciepe - hardly a secret - is the contents of the cheap rail liquors and a tap on each button from the musical bar (plastic thing that shoots out soda). The Monkey Boy - somewhat similar but a bit heavy on the ice and the cruel liquors (tequila, gin, bourbon) were all no shows. But more importantly the Monkey Boy didn’t make me want to do horrible things like pee on people’s feet or have sex under the deck - no it just made my tummy warm. And hell we even have things worse than the rail: Evil Rail (only dark liquors), Dirty Rail (part beer), Red Bull Rail (ask Jro). But the Monkey Boy does not reign supreme against the mighty rail. I told the bartender tonight that VT has them beat after I took a sip of their best monkey boy, known as a Bong Water. He replied “You must have been to Arnold’s then” and I just said back “You’re old.” Drink a rail.. for tonight… we dine in Hell!

3:51AM Update: Okay, well it did make me cry like a little baby watching Pan’s Labyrinth so maybe it is stronger than originally believed…