Mustache month has come to an end, and as of midnight tonight I can officially remove the patch of scratchy mess that rests above my upper lip. I really can’t figure out how these things were ever a sex symbol unless having hairs shove in to your nostril every time you use a hard “I” vowel and tasting mustard 36 hours after you had a hamburger is considered a turn-on. Its not to say that the stache didn’t have its perks however. You instantly know your the filthiest man in any room which in turn raises probability you will be offered any one of the following: drugs, cheap sex, pornography, stolen merchandise, glory holes, truck balls, lunch buffets, Sarah Silverman tickets, or unionized labor markets. In addition you are instantly included in certain groups and associations, in fact, Ryan and I were hired on spot at a construction yard simply by way of mustache. Accident free since seven seconds after this picture was taken.

Throughout the month we were counting down the best ’staches on a white board… the results are listed below.

12/5 UPDATE: No less than three kids now have mustaches in our Sports Law class. The trend is spreading.

Mustache Month: Best Mustaches Countdown Results

pre William H. Taft
pre Cornel Sanders
pre Tom Dennis
pre Turd Fergusson
31 Alex Trebeck
30 Prince
29 Adam Morrisson
28 Mike Ditka
27 Salvador Dali
26 Spike (Snoopy’s Brother)
25 Ned Flanders
24 George Parros
23 Poirot
22 Doc Holiday
21 Larry Bird
20 Steve Roland Prefontaine
19 Tyrant Trifecta (Stalin, Khan, Hitler, and Saddam)
18 Ron Jeremy
17 Weird Al
16 Jorge Cantu
15 Hulk Hogan
14 Yosemite Sam
13 Mario and Luigi
12 Charles Bronson
11 Frank Zappa
10 Robert Goulet
9 Groucho Marx
8 Rollie Fingers
7 Wilford Brimley
6 Bill Cowher
5 Michael Jordan
4 Burt Reynolds
3 Jack
2 Ronald Burgundy
1 Tom Selleck